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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629270">"Aparecium."</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiringlove/pseuds/admiringlove'>admiringlove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, haikyuu!! - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:13:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiringlove/pseuds/admiringlove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>— the revealing charm used to portray hidden messages written with invisible ink; in which miya atsumu is the bane of your existence but somehow also the most genuine friend you have. [an hq x hp series]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. nostalgia; a letter.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You walked through the entrance of King’s Cross Station—a nostalgic feeling washing over you as many other aimless children walked with their trolleys and pet cages towards a platform that “didn’t exist”. You inhaled the scent of the drizzling rain mixed with the locomotive’s smoke, regretting that you never fully enjoyed your surroundings in the past few years. There were <em>so</em> many parents bustling about, fussing with their children about their belongings, and incredulously telling them to get a hold of a compartment before it was too late. </p>
<p>Although it felt like a jab to your heart, you smiled at a few first years as you boarded the Hogwarts’ Express. You never had the blessing of your parents before going to Hogwarts—mainly because they had passed away as Aurors sometime after you were born, leaving you with your grandparents. You had told your granny that you could go by yourself this year(after all, it was your last year at Hogwarts). </p>
<p>A voice cut you out of your thoughts as soon as you were entering an empty compartment.</p>
<p>“Oi, frog-spawn! How did ya pass sixth year, ya slug?" </p>
<p>You sighed, relaxing your shoulders as the cogs of your brain generated a come-back at Miya Atsumu. You turned—with your eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched and eyes displaying a deathly glare as you quickly flicked your wand, muttering,<em> "Silencio.”</em></p>
<p>Atsumu’s eyes widened as his twin brother and Suna laughed behind him, causing you to smirk as you said, “I can’t be a slug and a frog at the same time, you knob. That would make me an abomination which, <em>clearly</em>, I am not.  And for your kind information, I got the second-highest grades last year. Keiji beat me by 2 percent.”</p>
<p>“Damn, [Y/N],” Osamu muttered as he ruffled your hair and walked into the compartment along with you. Atsumu was quick to follow, countering your charm in the process. </p>
<p>You pulled out your Alchemy textbook, flipping through the pages and introducing yourself to the syllabus as much as you possibly could. Atsumu, being a knobhead as always, chewed on the steak pies he had bought from the trolley loudly as you mumbled a few spells(just to memorize them). </p>
<p>“Miya <em>fucking</em> Atsumu, could you please shut the fuck up?” you slammed your textbook close, as your white and grey owl looked at you with its beady, yellow eyes. Atsumu knowingly smirked before you smacked him on the head with the heavy book—causing him to let out a yelp. </p>
<p>The whole train ride was filled with chaos till Atsumu finally fell asleep—you liked to tease him and say that it was because of the steak pies he had scarfed down like a monster—and finally, you arrived at Hogwarts. </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The carriage ride was quiet and peaceful; you were conversing with a Ravenclaw—namely Akaashi Keiji—as you arrived at the castle. You and your housemates, which meant the Miya Twins and Rintarō, headed for the Slytherin Table for your dinner. </p>
<p>You sat between Osamu and Sakusa, Atsumu and Rintarō seated themselves in front of you along with Kiyoko(one of your roommates).</p>
<p>Out of all the scrumptious dishes present at the feast, you loved pumpkin pasties and the butterbeer pudding cups. Those were your favorites out of all the desserts present. And from the numerous options in savory, you were a sucker for the Yorkshire pudding and the chicken. </p>
<p>“Oi, if ya eat <em>that</em> much, yer gonna turn into a pink pig!” Atsumu teased, as he bit into his own steak pie. You pursed your lips, as a sliver of doubt entered your mind as you reached for another pudding cup, but retreated your hand and threw a comeback at the piss-haired boy, “Miya, before I hex you for the <em>second</em> time today, please just shut the fuck up. And again, I’m not eating nearly as much as you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really?" </p>
<p>"You ate like 5 steak pies in the train, ‘Tsumu. Stop judging [L/N],” Osamu rolled his eyes, earning a chuckle from Sakusa and Rin. </p>
<p>The rest of the welcome feast was fairly pleasant; the illusion of the candles hanging in the starry night above you was a constant reminder that it would be your last year looking at all of it(unless you actually landed your position as the teacher of DADA after graduating, which was your dream). </p>
<p>You said your good nights’ to your friends from other houses—again, Keiji and a couple others like Sugawara or Kenma—and headed for your dormitory. </p>
<p>You wanted to walk the corridors of Hogwarts alone at this time of the night(which was why you had told Kiyoko to go back with your other roommates—Haiba Alisa, Misaki Hana, and Shirofuku Yukie).</p>
<p>The silence of the castle, along with your faint footsteps echoing in the halls was enough to bring all of the nostalgia back into your mind. The first night in Hogwarts—the night you got lost. </p>
<p>
  <em>You were in the restroom after the overwhelming dinner and Sorting Ceremony, fixing yourself up and heading back towards the Great Hall to your roommates(you hadn’t known the lot for long, but they seemed nice for the most part; you had to make new friends even though you had known Kiyoko for a year now). But as you entered the Great Hall, you found it startlingly empty. The eerie silence enough to make you shiver; and causing you to run out of the Hall as evocative memories rushed to your mind. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Evocative. The scream coming out of your small throat as someone—probably your grandmother—held you back. You shook your head, trying to erase the imagery forming in your head. You were lost. Undeniably lost, and you didn’t know where to go. You pulled out your wand, casting Lumos(the only charm your grandmother would teach you, other than Nox, of course) as your forbearance decreased by the second. Your breathing was staggered as you made your way towards the entrance of the castle, vaguely remembering the boy you had shared a compartment with on the train(Miya Atsumu, obviously). He had spoken about the Slytherin House and its common room. And how cool it was, but you hadn’t paid much attention to his rambles, just like his twin brother and friend. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When asked to name the founders of Hogwarts, the only one he got correctly was Salazar Slytherin. You had shaken your head in distaste as he said, “Georgie Gryffindor” or “Rita Ravenclaw”, and some other weird made-up name for Helga Hufflepuff that you didn’t quite recollect. You retained him saying that you had to go down the narrow staircase towards the dungeons and there would be a stone wall between a few paintings. You lamented as you stood in the long, damp hallway that made you a little restless. You swore you saw a rat run past your feet as you clutched your wand tightly, muttering words to boost self-confidence. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Needless to say, you gave up after 15 minutes of muttering possible passwords to the Common Room. Letting out a shaky breath, you slid down the down and hugged your knees, hoping to catch a teacher on their rounds. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then, the door opened from the inside. You gasped as a scrawny first year came out, giggling as he grumbled, “Don’t worry, 'Samu, I’ll be back after going to the kitchens! I have the map!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You looked up at him with glazed eyes as he gave you a hand to get up—which you gladly took—leading to him saying, “Oi, don’t get left behind. Your scrawny arse will get lost easily without my magic map.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thus began the friendly rivalry(and the late-night conversations). </em>
</p>
<p>“<em>You’re</em> here, too?" </p>
<p>You stopped in your tracks, immediately recognizing Atsumu’s voice as he walked into the Astronomy Tower behind you. You nodded slightly, looking back up at the stars as sat on the ground with your legs crossed. He sat down next to you, grunting softly before looking up as well. </p>
<p>"I always loved comin’ here,” he spoke, his voice genuinely soft—which happened from time-to-time, and you loved it, “Reminds me of when 'Samu, Dad and I went for the quidditch matches and spent the night in tents. 'Samu and I would sneak out in the middle of the night, and just steal snacks from other tents. We’d eat it after lighting a bonfire.”</p>
<p>“That sounds fairly pleasant,” you chuckled. Truth is, you were a little envious of the piss-haired boy. He had parents, a sibling, a pet, house-elves, and everything he could ask for—a happy family that was known in the wizarding world and a huge manor. Meanwhile, you lived with your grandmother and owl in a cottage in Lambeth. It was surely peaceful, but sometimes the loneliness got to your head and gave you frightful nightmares, the main cause of the bags under your eyes. </p>
<p>The comfortable silence between you and Atsumu felt indulgent. The two of you were quiet but it felt therapeutic, in a way.</p>
<p>“It’s quarter-past ten, we should get back. Ya want a snack from the kitchens or somethin’? I’m goin’ there right now,” Atsumu says, getting back. You smile up at him faintly as you say, “I’ll be back in some time, 'Tsumu. Go to bed,”</p>
<p>He loved it when you called him that. You never did it in front of people for some reason, and he preferred it this way. He didn’t want you to go all soft for him in front of others. He preferred this; the late-night running into each other accidentally, the small genuine discussions about your childhood, the sometimes sneaking into the kitchens to greet the House Elves and getting sweets in return, sometimes heading to the Quidditch pitch to practice, and whatnot. </p>
<p>You, on the other hand, preferred it this way too. Atsumu’s gentle side, or the high-fives the two of you would share after getting back successfully(without getting caught by Snape or McGonagall, that is), the slow walks around the school, the small Quidditch games, the quiet library talks, the butterbeer pudding cups at twilight, the pumpkin juice and escaping Mrs. Norris and Filch by mere seconds—all of it made you nostalgic. </p>
<p>You sighed as Atsumu left, but right when he closed the door, you heard a thump. You looked behind you, tearing your eyes away from the stars, as you found a book with a leather cover on the ground. </p>
<p>“Stupid 'Tsumu,” you grumbled, standing and walking over to the book. You picked it up, dusting it off a little as you opened it. </p>
<p>
  <em>Miya Atsumu<br/>
September 1, 20**.</em>
</p>
<p>The somehow neat handwriting made you gasp; there was no way this was Atsumu’s book. You flipped the pages to find it completely empty, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. </p>
<p>Why would someone have a thick notebook, and leave it completely empty? Was this a school notebook, or was it just a journal? Or what was even more exciting a diary?</p>
<p>You’d understand if it was a school notebook—because it was the first day of the year, and classes hadn’t started yet(thus the empty notebook) but the date on the first page made you question yourself. </p>
<p>The date was almost the same as today, just the year was written wrongly. It was the year of your fifth year at Hogwarts. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You chose to go back to the Common Room as you shrugged nonchalantly at the book—deciding to return it to 'Tsumu later.</p>
<p>You hummed indulgently as you tip-toed through the empty walls, watching out for Filch and other teachers, as the labyrinthine known as Hogwarts had gotten less confusing for you over the years. You walked into the Common Room, immediately heading for your dormitory. </p>
<p>“And where the bloody hell has <em>your</em> arse been?” Alisa questioned just as you slipped inside as you flinched due to her loud tone. Kiyoko sighed as she sipped from whatever was in her light blue mug, as Hana braided her hair and Yukie pulled out chocolates from her bag. Your dorm was always bubbling with chaos on the first night of school. Kiyoko would listen and advise Yukie to not hook up with more guys and focus on studies(but she never listened and would end up in a broom closet the very next day), Hana would talk about how Yuuji(her best friend and all of you knew she loved him—except for her, she was an oblivious git), Alisa would talk about her beloved Tetsu(they were cute, really, but it got annoying sometimes as she talked about him for hours) and Kiyoko would usually end up charming everyone to remain silent.</p>
<p>The same ended up happening tonight—except for you, you had pretended to sleep as soon as you came in. </p>
<p>“[Y/N],” Kiyoko whispered knowingly, “What are you doing under the blanket?”</p>
<p>You mentally cursed yourself for not being more careful as you pulled your head out, and replied, “Nothing special, just trying to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Don’t wake up late tomorrow, we have Potions first and Snape would kill us if we came in late,” she warned, and you nodded as you hugged the notebook tight and thought about why it was completely empty. </p>
<p>Then, you had an epiphany.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Aparecium.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>September 2, 20**.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t know what I’m doin’ at this point. It’s been 3 years since I started lovin’ her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When I saw her walk into the train <strike>today</strike>, umm, yesterday 'cause it’s past 2 AM now… I felt so happy?? I mean, I know I tease her and all, she’s quite amazin’. She’s got the brains for it all, and insults me back even when I say somethin’ stupid. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I really dunno. 3 years and I’ve made 0 progress. I seriously need to re-think my decision about my love for this girl 'cause 'Samu says there’s no chance she loves me back. Dunno if I’ll be able to stop my feelings, though. I’ve liked her since my second year. Damn me, for being such a lovesick puppy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And to think I colored my hair for her too. [Y/N] called it piss-colored. Out of all things, why the fuck would ya compare somebody’s hair to piss? That’s utterly disgusting. I wonder where [L/N] gets these dumb ideas. <strike>Damn her, that slug. </strike></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyways, I have class in a couple hours. G'night. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Tsumu. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Your voice hitched in your throat as you read the first page. You could swear you felt your eyes brim with tears—who was this girl that Atsumu fell in love with? That too, since the second year. And he even called you a slug in this book(even though he had scratched it later). And why were you even sad? Miya Atsumu was the bane of your existence, and you hated him with all your heart.</p>
<p>Or did you?</p>
<p>Atsumu was an ebullient person—he always duped around, but he knew his limits. The lilt in his voice would die down whenever he accidentally said something dumb(for which he would later apologize, by getting you butterbeer from Hogsmeade or buy you a new book you had wanted to read), and he was just… a good friend. </p>
<p>A friend who would forget your friendly banters and constant bickering after the last year of Hogwarts is over. A friend who will never stick around after school. </p>
<p>Your tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down your face. You feel the muscles of your chin quiver like a child and glance toward the window as if the moonlight could soothe you. </p>
<p>Miya Atsumu was the bane of your existence. But you were hopelessly in love with him. </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Atsumu looked frantic the next morning. His hooded carob eyes looked around everywhere; searching for something precious. His usual eloquent demeanor had died down before breakfast, and you knew. </p>
<p>He was scared someone was going to read his notebook. </p>
<p>You sat down at the breakfast table in the Great Hall; a furtive expression painted across your features as you pondered about the imbrication of your feelings towards Atsumu. If you hated him, then why did you love him? And if you loved him, then why did you hate him? You groaned in annoyance as Osamu started laughing at your scared expression—he had said, “Don’t think too much or your brain will explode.”</p>
<p><em>That’s right</em>, you thought. </p>
<p>As everyone headed to Potions, you pulled Osamu’s sleeve and thanked him for being such a genius. His face contorted into a weird expression as he said, “Are you slow, [L/N]? What did I do?”</p>
<p>“I <em>didn’t</em> have to think so much,” you gave him a sheepish smile and get seated, waiting for Potions to start. All the while, Osamu simply stood there in confusion, not understanding a word you just said. </p>
<p>All you had to do was return the book back to his dormitory when his roommates were sleeping. All you had to do was go into his room in the middle of the night, and place the book in his trunk or under his bed. </p>
<p>You mentally thanked Osamu once again.</p>
<p>And just as the Miya Twins walked into class—one of them, namely Atsumu, seated himself next to you because Osamu was already heading towards Suna—Snape began lecturing.</p>
<p>“I don’t expect <em>anything</em> less than excellent this year. We’re starting with Amortentia as practice, so open page 369 and begin with your desk partner. Make a single error and you’ll receive detention for an hour after school,” you heard the monotone voice of your Potions Professor say as a couple of students let out groans and whines in addition to his comment. You grunted slightly as he kicked your foot under the table and wiggled his eyebrows at you playfully—an indication for you to get the ingredients necessary. </p>
<p>“Miya, you suck,” you groaned, getting up from your seat and walking towards the shelves as a few other girls searched for the same ingredients as you. You grabbed most of them, with only two left in the list as you looked around.</p>
<p>“Ashwinder eggs and Moonstone,” you murmured, walking towards the shelf where the two ingredients you needed were placed. </p>
<p>“[L/N]-san,” someone poked you from behind. You turned to see a girl who was an inch or two shorter than you, she wore glasses, and her green eyes paired well with her ginger hair. Her bangs rested over her eyebrows as her wavy hair(which was perfectly styled, mind you, she looked beautiful)You raised an eyebrow as you didn’t really know her—she was a Ravenclaw, and you had seen her around but didn’t talk to her as much, “Yes?”</p>
<p>“Could you <em>maybe</em> say something nice about me to Atsumu?” she asked shyly, a light rose tint taking over the tips of her ears and nose. You didn’t know what to say—wait, what were you supposed to say? You couldn’t plainly reject her advances, and neither could you say yes. Your brain was malfunctioning, and that too, fast. </p>
<p>
  <em>“I-I… what?" </em>
</p>
<p>"It’s just that… you’ve been close friends with him since first year, and you’re <em>even</em> in the same House. I was just hoping that maybe, <em>just maybe</em>, if you could help me out?” she mumbled. You could see it—she did like Atsumu, probably more than you did, plus, she seemed honest too—and you awkwardly nodded. </p>
<p>“I-I’ll try my best,” you croaked. Her face immediately lit up in joy, as she mumbled a grateful thanks, and went back to her table. Your shoulders slouched as you returned to the table, and placed all the jars and cups down as Atsumu quietly stirred in the liquids. </p>
<p>He could see those gravity-drawn shoulders portraying a picture of your heart as if neither it nor your soul would embrace a beat. He saw your eyes and the implication that your brain has established some new walls with you so lonely on the other side. </p>
<p>Looking at you like this made his heart heavy. His hooded hickory eyes glazed over you, as you choked back a sob(successfully, thank Merlin you didn’t cry in front of your class) and continued working on the potion in tranquility. He wondered what had made you sad in the first place—and he poked your shoulder as he muttered, “Pass me the dried rose petals, will ya?”</p>
<p>You nodded, handing it to him in an instant as you continue stirring the ingredients. He added three pinches to the cauldron, stepping back as he said, “Now we wait.”</p>
<p>You quietly sat down, waiting for the potion to bubble, as Atsumu asked, “Hey, [Y/N].”</p>
<p>You hummed, not wanting to talk, as he smirked at you timidly. You rolled your eyes as you waited for him to talk when he finally said, “Meet me by the Black Lake at midnight. Bring the cloak I gave ya in third year so no one notices.”</p>
<p>“And why are we doing this?”</p>
<p>“'Cause I got something to give ya.”</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em> don’t pull some random shit prank,” you groaned as your potion finally finished brewing. You turned off the burner carefully and stirred it for a couple of seconds—which revealed the mother-of-pearl sheen tint and the steam rising in characteristic spirals. </p>
<p>Snape raised his eyebrows, as you were one of the only groups done till now(that too, successfully) as he motioned for you both to smell the potion. </p>
<p>“Ladies first,” Atsumu smirked, giving you a 'shooing’ gesture towards the cauldron. You scoffed, “If that was a thing, then you’d be the one first in line.”</p>
<p>He brought a hand up to his chest, faking an offended glare as you caught a whiff of the potion in front of you. Miya raised an eyebrow in curiosity and asked, “Whaddya smell?”</p>
<p>You had gotten a whiff of a total of five scents. Four of which you understood; the fifth one, however, confused you even more. </p>
<p>“The smell of books, erm… the rain, butterbeer, the scent that’s usually filling my grandmother’s house, and… <em>cologne</em>?” you questioned. The cologne you could smell was musky. The woodsy scent felt like sandalwood but with other ingredients. It felt refreshing, yet intoxicating at the same time. The sharp, yet rich, smell filled your senses and made you want to hold onto the person who gave it off and never let go.</p>
<p>“Looks like little lady [Y/N]’s got a crush. Yer troll arse could <em>never</em> attract anyone, I tell ya.”</p>
<p>You rolled your eyes as the piss-haired boy continued talking.</p>
<p>“My turn,” 'Tsumu said in a sing-song voice and walked up to the cauldron. He stopped dead in his tracks after smelling and you asked, “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Nothin’ uh… I smell the Quidditch pitch, steak pies, home and a sorta perfume. Maybe lotion, who knows?” he shrugged, walking back to his spot. </p>
<p><em>It’s probably the girl he wrote about in his book</em>, you thought. </p>
<p>Little did you know, Atsumu shared a knowing glance with Osamu just after you walked away after class.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. sneak; returning it like a detective.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— the revealing charm used to portray hidden messages written with invisible ink; in which miya atsumu is the bane of your existence but somehow also the most genuine friend you have. [an hq x hp series]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You figure that you could return the book safely to Atsumu’s room tonight; before the two of you meet up at the Black Lake, you were going to sneak to the boys’ dormitory and place the book under his bed.</p><p>You were beleaguered. The paranoid feeling ate away at you as you pulled on a woolen jumper—along with your green scarf, the invisibility cloak Atsumu had gifted you long ago, and boots when Kiyoko suddenly got up from her slumber.</p><p>“You’ve been paranoid all day,” the girl reached for her glasses, speaking in an ingenue tone. Your eyes widened at her sudden voice as you turned to face her. You were just about to leave your room to head down the stairs when she spoke up.</p><p>“Erm… y-you noticed?” you asked in lassitude. She chuckled as she ran a hand through her hair, pushing the duvet down by her feet as she sat crisscrossed on her bed.</p><p>“You’ve been anxious. I saw you looking at the door again and again in Potions when you got partnered with Miya. You <em>barely</em> paid attention to what I was saying at dinner, and when we got back, you were pacing back and forth in the bathroom. Thank Salazar the other girls were downstairs talking to people,” her mellifluous voice soothing your anxiety a bit, as you sighed out loud.</p><p>“I guess…” you mused, “—it’s ‘Tsumu.”</p><p>“Figures,” she giggled a bit, pushing her glasses up as she runs a hand through her hair once again, waiting for you to explain.</p><p>“H-he’s in love with this… <em>girl</em>. I read through his diary last night. I found it yesterday,” you mumble in rue, as your voice cracks just a smidge—telling Kiyoko everything she needed to know. She nods in realization, “I’m guessing you only realized it now?”</p><p>“It’s <em>stupid</em> of me, isn’t it? I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s been in love with another girl this whole time, and I-I’ve just… <em>not</em> realized it,” you hummed in distress as you avoided eye-contact with the raven-haired girl in front of you, her cerulean eyes giving you a gaze which you didn’t really understand.</p><p>“Hm, so you’re returning the book tonight?” she asked. You nodded and continued, “Yes, and er… Atsumu asked me to meet him by the Black Lake. He should already be there by now, so I can just sneak into his room and leave the book there.”</p><p>“I won’t keep you waiting then,” she gave you a half-smile, an indication that she’d talk to you about the matter at hand later. She didn’t want t Yo pry, and you were grateful for that fact as you quietly tip-toed to Atsumu’s room.</p><p>Muttering the unlocking charm,<em> “Alohomora,”</em> you entered Miya Atsumu’s dormitory, to find multiple boys sleeping there—Suna, Aran, Osamu, Sakusa—You quietly moved under your cloak, and crouched down low, pushing the book under Atsumu’s bed and getting up as soon as possible. You walked out of his room—the cloak still atop your head—as you stopped dead in your tracks.</p><p>Miya Atsumu was standing at the bottom of the staircase, and with each step, he was coming closer to you. You quietly tip-toed towards another door, standing eerily still as you swished your wand at the piss-haired boy’s dorm, <em>“Colloportus.”</em></p><p>He fumbled with his pockets for a second, then mumbling a “shit” in realization as he pulled his wand out of his boot. He went in.</p><p>You take this as your chance of fleeing the scene; you really didn’t want to get caught by Miya Atsumu outside his room, nor did you didn’t think you wanted to explain to him what you were doing there. You made your way towards the Black Lake, turning left from the Forbidden Forest.</p><p>You could’ve sworn you saw a fox in the distance—a yellow fox just staring at you from a mile away. You shook the feeling away because when you walked towards the deck at the Black Lake, Atsumu was already there(he was panting heavily, which meant he had run all the way here).</p><p>“There ya are!” Atsumu raised his eyebrows, his hands on his thighs as he bent down, trying to catch his breath. You chuckled as you ruffled his hair, “Here I am.”</p><p>“Here,” he handed you a small bag. You smiled at how considerate his expression seemed and took the bag from his hands hesitantly. He gestured for you to open it as the two of you sat crisscross under a tree.</p><p>“Is that..<em>Miya! </em>You went all the way to Hogsmeade even though it’s our first day at school? How did you even—” You gasped, “It’s No-Melt Ice-Cream! Ooh, and Treacle Fudge!”</p><p>Your worries seemed to fade away for the night as the boy in front of you gazed at you with the <em>softest</em> expression as you dug into the ice-cream and divided the Treacle Fudge neatly into two—one for him, and one for you. Sighing, you slowly laid on your back, looking at the boy next to you with a giggle escaping your plump lips.</p><p>
  <em>“What?”</em>
</p><p>“I could’ve sworn I saw a fox back there. It was the same as your piss-hair!” you laughed, clutching to your stomach. His carob eyes softened as they glazed over your petite figure, widening a bit when he heard you speak those words. He tried his best to hide his expression, but you noticed it anyway. Though you didn’t want to pry, the teasing would have to wait for the morning as his chatoyant gaze on the dots in the sky was too pleasant to miss.</p><p>“A… <em>fox</em>?” he spoke quietly, “Really?”</p><p>You hummed in agreement as he laid down next to you, turning his head softly. Even in the night, his eyes lit the way, as if he was a seer. You wanted this moment to last, but you knew you couldn’t be selfish. After all, he loved someone <em>dearly</em>.</p><p>He loved someone that wasn’t you.</p><p>“Hey, you remember we were brewing Amortentia today, right?” you asked, poking his shoulder slightly. He mumbled a small “yes” and you continued, “There was a <em>really</em> pretty girl there. She was a Ravenclaw, and she had red hair, do you know her name?”</p><p>“Why in Salazar’s name are ya asking for a girl’s name? Are ya attracted to her?” he joked, as you shoved his shoulder. You shyly brushed your hair away from your face, looking up at the full moon. It was now that you realized; there was no backing out now.</p><p>“No, you <em>idiot</em>. I was thinking of setting her up with you so you’d stop irritating me every minute of every damned day,” you groaned. He stopped and blinked for a second, his lissome expression turning dissemble as you looked at him with inquisitive eyes to hear his response.</p><p>“I wouldn’t think I’m <em>fit</em> for a relationship,” he says, looking at the vast hues of azure and ink sprayed with tiny white dots in the expanse. He sighed—his heavy heart made it seem like he was dangling from a tower, ready to drop any second. He couldn’t hold his feelings in any longer.</p><p>What was he supposed to do, anyway? You were trying to set him up with a girl when he was clearly in love with <em>someone</em>. And his insecurities would get the best of him. It felt like no matter how fast he ran, no matter what spell he cast to keep himself safe from them, they caught up every time.</p><p>He could feel a lump form in his throat as you looked at him innocently, your lips parted just a tad bit, and raising an eyebrow as to why such a bitter response had left his mouth.</p><p>He inhaled, “I’m <em>too</em> carefree. I think the other person wouldn’t like me after a certain amount of time because my personality is just…<em> y'know?</em> And plus, I’m mean to basically everyo—”</p><p>You took his hand in yours, intertwining your delicate fingers with his as if he were a gossamer. It felt like untying a knot; only, this time it felt like your life depended upon the tangled thread. Your love was only incipient; his had already lasted for a couple of years, and you didn’t want for the boy you loved to sacrifice his happiness for yours.</p><p>“Are you?” you asked, your voice barely audible, “Are you really mean?”</p><p>“I-I would like to think so, yeah,” he nodded.</p><p>“What if I say I don’t think so? You brought me snacks because I was sad, that too from Hogsmeade, even though it’s the first day of school. You apologize to me every time you cross a line. You make sure I’m not fazed by whatever shit you pull. How is any of this not compassionate? Honestly, you think too lowly of yourself,” You smiled, ruffling his hair as he looked at you with his eyes slightly wide, and his expression displaying shock.</p><p>He definitely hadn’t expected such words from you, of all people. He felt like a ghost in a world of paper-dolls—sticking out like a sore thumb, but being happy because he’s the only one who gets to experience the true comfort of the dark.</p><p>“Y-yer saying way too many nice things in one night, [Y/N],” he looked away, bringing a hand up to his face to hide the bush of roses underneath his cheeks.</p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you deserve it, Miya.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You didn’t expect the night to go that well. Your heart was <em>efflorescent</em>; it felt like a small bud was slowly blooming into a fully-grown flower in your palms.</p><p>“I take it the meeting with Miya went well?” Kiyoko asked, a small smile on her lips as you walked with her to DADA class. You nodded, a slight blush on your cheeks as you passed a couple of friends, “It’s a shame, though. He’s in love with someone else.”</p><p>“How do you know if you’ve only read the first page of his diary?” she deadpanned, “Maybe the person he loves is you. You didn’t see the other pages, right?”</p><p>“Well, that’s because I value <em>privacy</em>!” you bemoaned, seating yourself as you huffed in annoyance, “And it’s mean if I just uncover his secrets.”</p><p>“Oh come on, you would’ve never thought you’re <em>subconsciously</em> in love with a boy if you never found out he actually loved someone,” she narrowed her eyes at you questioningly, knowing that she’s correct. You sighed in defeat, letting your shoulders fall as you paid attention in class.</p><p>Maybe you wanted to know who Miya Atsumu was in love with. Just so you could prove someone wrong.  </p><p>When you were heading to dinner that night, someone poked your shoulder.</p><p>“Hey, slug,” Atsumu nudged your shoulder lightly, you giving him a chuckle in response. His raised eyebrow and a teasing expression playing at his features. A winsome, yet sly smile playing at his lips as if he was hiding something.</p><p>“What?” you asked, a quick smirk of your own forming. He shrugged lightly before speaking, “Erm.. you know how Quidditch is starting soon?”</p><p>“Yes,” you murmured, continuing to walk to the Great Hall at a much slower pace than before. Your desultory expression made him whine—causing you to let out a small chuckle.</p><p>“Okay, so I was wondering if you’d help me with the try-outs? I’m the captain this year since Kita-san graduated last year. 'Samu, Omi and Suna won’t help anyway, and you’re the seeker, so I was thinking—”</p><p>“I’ll do it,” you nodded, “But only if you buy me more Treacle Tarts.”</p><p>“Say what, [Y/N], if you can catch the snitch in under 5 minutes, I’ll buy you as many Treacle Tarts as you want.”</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, you’re on.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please check out my tumblr blog(admiringlove) if you enjoyed reading!! my works usually appear there first :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. rivalry; a match of quidditch to never forget.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— the revealing charm used to portray hidden messages written with invisible ink; in which miya atsumu is the bane of your existence but somehow also the most genuine friend you have. [an hq x hp series]</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello hello!! i post one chapter every 4-5 days!! so here is chapter three, hope you like it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been five days since you had that interaction with Atsumu in the hallway. And today, being the day to <em>finally</em> win the bet against him, you pulled your emerald Quidditch robes on.</p><p>“C'mon, [L/N], how long does it take ya to change? Kiyoko’s done already!” You heard Atsumu’s echo voice outside the changing room, and you chuckled, picking up your Nimbus 2001 from your locker and walking out.</p><p>The yellow-haired boy didn’t know what came over him when you walked out to greet your other teammates. You were chatting with Kiyoko and Osamu—your haired pushed back away from your face as the wind blew through your emerald robes. Atsumu’s heart felt like it was being thrown around like a Quaffle, but only he wasn’t playing Quidditch(yet).</p><p>There wasn’t anything special about you today, you were just wearing the same pine-green and pewter-grey uniform, readying yourself to play in the field. So why did Miya Atsumu think you looked more ethereal than anything he’s ever seen? He was the Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team, for Salazar’s sake. The first practice was today.</p><p><em>Oh right, he’s the Captain.</em> That made Atsumu snap out of his thoughts as he clapped his gloved hands loudly, “Aight, everybody! Listen up!”</p><p>He really didn’t know how Kita handled his antics last year. The way he and Osamu literally almost fought in the middle of a game probably made the Kita Shinsuke furious. Yet here he was, the “impulsive” one of the lot, as Captain this year.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Practice, at first, was namely awkward. He was new to the responsibilities—he was scared he wouldn’t be good enough, and to top that, Osamu kept on snickering when he tried to tell the younger players what to do.</p><p>“Hey,” you nudged Atsumu’s broom, a cool breeze passing by you as you looked at him with comforting eyes, “You’re doing great. Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he let out a genuine chuckle, looking over to his juniors—whom he had told to practice their aim with the Quaffle. Then, a sudden lightbulb lit in his mind, as he looked over to you, “Ya do remember our bet, don’t ya?”</p><p>“Erm… I certainly do, why?” you looked at him with your furrowed brows as you slowed your flying pace. He smirked, looking at you with the expression you know all too well.</p><p>
  <em>“‘Tsumu, no—”</em>
</p><p>“Okay, everyone! Listen up! We’re going to play a game before wrapping practice up for the day!” his voice boomed through the pitch, as everybody flew down to the ground together. You rolled your eyes as you began, “I literally <em>just</em> told you not to do that—”</p><p>“Okay, we’re splitting into two teams. [L/N], you’re with Suna, Sakusa, Kiyoko, Tsukishima, Tobio, and Shirabu. And the rest are with me,” Atsumu gave you a side-glance as your expression turned into a somewhat pout. He was being fair with splitting the teams, taking two first-years himself, and giving you the other two(to be honest, he was giving you gifted players). But you hated him for not listening to you—maybe you were just being petty, who knows?</p><p>The match started off when Atsumu let out the Bludgers and got into position. And while everyone was busy playing their parts, he winked at you.</p><p>You hated it here.</p><p>The Quaffle was first taken by a player of Atsumu’s team—Kunimi, who avoided the Beaters of your team without any effort. You huffed as you looked around for the Golden Snitch, as you only had two minutes to catch it(and you <em>really</em> didn’t want to lose the bet).</p><p>Kiyoko, the Keeper of your team, successfully stopped Kunimi from throwing the Quaffle through the hoops, but Atsumu sent a Bludger her way—it almost hit her, but she avoided it just in time. The two iron Bludgers were being hit at many players in unison by the despicable Miya Twins—you knew they were capable Beaters, Atsumu was approaching a career as one, for fuck’s sake—as you scoffed. This was one of their strategies that couldn’t be beaten by someone unless you had been playing with them for a long time. Atsumu would go towards the right side of the pitch and Osamu would go to the left, constantly passing the Bludgers to one another and not letting the other team get their hands on them. It was smart, really, and required so much precision(you couldn’t deny it, he was talented <em>and</em> smart when he wanted to be).</p><p>And just then, a Golden ball of victory passed by Atsumu’s head, causing a sly smile to form on your lips as he whips his head around to focus on you for <em>just</em> a moment. This time, it was you who winked at him—the brief interaction made him blush as your broom zoomed past him to chase after the Snitch. Luckily, Goshiki(Atsumu’s seeker) was on the other side of the pitch, so passing most of the players from your team would definitely slow him down.</p><p>Almost there, you thought, as you reached your hand out for it—flying as fast as you could on your Nimbus 2001. The light broom made it easy for you to slowly stand up, lifting yourself as you reached for the Snitch at an <em>unstoppable</em> speed.</p><p>And just then, an iron Bludger hit by Miya Atsumu came your way, knocking you off your broom.</p><p>
  
</p><p>When Atsumu saw you stand up on your broom, his competitive energy seemed to rile up as he smirked.</p><p><em>Now is a perfect time</em>, he thought. A leer danced on his lips as he readied his bat, gesturing for Osamu to send the Bludger his way. Atsumu didn’t mean to hurt you, really, he just wanted to win the bet—and although that was childish, he just couldn’t help himself.</p><p>Goshiki caught the Snitch just as you fell. The match stopped, and Atsumu noticed that you weren’t moving. Swiftly, he landed next to you on the ground.</p><p>“[L/N]?” he pulled on your hand, “[Y/N], don’t play games with me right now. I know ya all too well, ya did this like a hundred times last year, get up.”</p><p>“'Tsumu, the <em>hell</em> didja do?” Osamu came up behind the Captain, asking him what happened as a few other Seniors began walking towards the commotion as well. Atsumu slowly shook his head, handing his broom to his twin as he quickly picked you up in his firm arms.</p><p>“Atsumu, I’m asking ya something!” his twin yelled as the yellow-haired boy began walking towards the Infirmary. Atsumu looked back, “Wrap up practice for me, will ya? Yer Vice Captain for a reason!”</p><p>Osamu was taken aback when his brother said that. But he knew that his pig-brained idiot excuse of a brother was finally doing the right thing, even if it meant he’d continue being a sissy and not confessing his love for the certain someone in his arms.</p><p>
  
</p><p>To say that Atsumu felt <em>horrible</em>, was an understatement. He had this gut-wrenching feeling and his breathing felt incredibly shallow. He was taking quick, but short steps. His voice was hitched in his throat as he could already feel a lump forming. He couldn’t even bear to look at you right now.</p><p>But as he found himself looking down, immense guilt <em>flooded</em> his heartstrings, snapping a few of them in the process. You were unconscious, a narrow line of rouge spilling down from your forehead as you lay in his arms. If you weren’t hurt, Atsumu would almost say you look peaceful like that—eyes closed, lips contorted into a somewhat blissful expression without any strain on your muscles.</p><p>You looked blissful—only you weren’t in bliss, you were in pain; actual physical pain because of him. Atsumu wanted to tell you how wrong you were on the night of your first day back. He wanted to tell you that he really was <em>reckless</em> and that you were too nice to see it. He wanted to tell you that he wasn’t deserving of anybody in his life, even his own brother.</p><p>He wanted to tell you he doesn’t deserve you.</p><p>That day, as he found himself next to your bedside through the night in the Infirmary, he could feel his carob eyes starting to blur due to the tears brimming in there. Hot tears soaked into your mattress leaving damp evidence that in fact, Miya Atsumu was crying. It was hard to hide, because anyone who would witness his face could instantly comfort him, or ask him what’s wrong, so he hid in the blankets. He kept his head down, pretended to sleep, letting out an occasional hiccup or shaky breath.</p><p>
  <em>“'Tsumu?”</em>
</p><p>Miya Atsumu has never looked up this quickly in his whole life.</p><p>“'Tsumu, are you…<em> crying?</em>” you asked, the medicine making you slur your speech but you didn’t care—all you cared about right now was the piss-haired boy who sat by your bed even though it was past twilight. Your gaze softened as you reached out and ruffled his hair, giving him a warm smile in the process. You had just woken up, and the sight you got to see made your heartstrings tighten.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” you say as he turns away from you, continuing to hide the fact that he was crying, even if you had already seen it.</p><p>“I’m not cryin’. Ya never saw that,” he said gruffly, clearing his throat as he got up to leave. You pouted slightly, “I just woke up and you’re <em>already</em> leaving? Isn’t it like 2 in the morning?”</p><p>“Yer supposed to rest and I don’t wanna bother ya,” he shot you a quick thumbs-up, faking a smile in the process. You gave him a look that said, <em>'Do you seriously think that’s convincing?’.</em></p><p>“Sit here and keep me entertained,” you gesture to the stool he was sitting on just moments ago. He gives you a half-way smile, obeying what you said as you chuckled.</p><p>“Are you crying because of <em>me</em>?”</p><p>“I thought I said ya never saw that,” he grunted as you giggled lightly, the empty Infirmary lighting up with joy as your laugh filled Atsumu’s ears.</p><p>“In my defense, you’re my friend and I care for you,” you said between your laughs. Just that sentence felt like a rose thorn pricking against your throat, but you smiled through it, not knowing the same went for Atsumu.</p><p>“Thanks,” Atsumu smiled, “And since I almost killed ya, I’m thinkin’ I should take you to Hogsmeade and buy ya Treacle Tarts after all.”</p><p>“Score! [L/N] catches the Snitch and kicks Miya Atsumu’s arse!”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Madam Pomfrey had let you go when you swore you’d take your medicine on time; it had taken a lot of begging, but she eventually let you go. A fine Saturday morning—well, it was <em>way</em> past noon, but still, fine Saturday afternoon.</p><p>“How’d Poppy let ya go that fast?” 'Tsumu saw you first when you walked through the Common Room door and he was simply sitting on the sofa, flipping a few books(you were proud, he was actually doing his homework).</p><p>“I told her I’d take my medicine. I’m also responsible, <em>very</em> unlike you,” you stuck your tongue out as you plopped yourself down. He let out a dry chuckle, shaking his head as he looked at you with softened eyes.</p><p>He continued doing his work in comfortable silence as you just sat there. Atsumu’s focusing on a few worksheets from Potions and DADA. You would’ve helped, but he never asked.</p><p>You looked at him, how not even a little bit of sweat passed down his forehead(even though it was quite warm because of the fireplace). His yellow mop of hair was perfectly styled and combed, parted, and one single strand sticking up at places where it made you smile.</p><p>His tongue stuck out in concentration. You could probably compare his eyes to the warmth of a wintry, <em>everlasting</em> hearth or a bonfire—the crackling from the fireplace sort of soothed your heart as you gazed into his hickory orbs. They really did look like the wood from a fire, maybe the type of wood that never fully turns into ashes even if they’ve been burning for a long time.</p><p>You sighed. You should probably get up and spend your day resting, or completing your homework—that would be the right decision to make, but you really didn’t want to.</p><p>“Hey, [Y/N], what’s an Inferius?” Atsumu questioned you out of the blue, making you snap out of your trance.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“An Inferius, [L/N]. I swear to Salazar, ya really do look like yer starin’ at me sometimes.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. forbidden; a surprise.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— the revealing charm used to portray hidden messages written with invisible ink; in which miya atsumu is the bane of your existence but somehow also the most genuine friend you have. [an hq x hp series]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You spent the day with your fellow Slytherins, just talking and finishing up your homework. Sakusa and Osamu continued to heckle Atsumu about how he had been the cause of the bandage on your head and your overall fatigue. Suna would take pictures of the others arguing, mainly Atsumu yelling at them at how he had also taken you to the Infirmary right away. Sometime during the day, Osamu pulled Atsumu’s shirt back, causing the piss-haired boy to fall flat on his back(Suna had taken pictures of that too, including Atsumu chasing down Osamu in the Courtyard). </p><p>Kiyoko and your dorm-mates checked in on you from time-to-time in the library after the boys left; Alisa cheered your day up with her usual smile and newest gossip, Kiyoko simply gave you advice and helped you with your homework, Yukie brought you steak pies from the kitchens, and Hana gave you her notes to copy. You were grateful to all of them—but not so much when Madam Pince kicked everyone out(except you and Kiyoko) for being loud. You decided to return to the Common Room after dinner alone, settling on reading a muggle novel before heading to sleep. After all, tomorrow was the day you were going to spend with <em>Atsumu</em>. You really couldn’t wait; it seemed like one of the upcoming highlights of your year—even though you had gone to Hogsmeade with your hoard of friends a lot before, your heart kept getting redder and beating faster if you even thought about it. </p><p><em>You, Atsumu, alone at Hogsmeade</em>. With butterbeer and Treacle tarts, soft smiles(maybe even blushes, who knows?), and most probably a long walk. The thought itself brought a strawberry tint to your cheeks, your eyes targetting your lap as you sat on the sofa in the Common Room as you hid your face behind your book. This simple sentence seemed to pop into your mind as if the cycle was never-ending. Why was the concept itself aeonian? You shook your head to wobble the thoughts away, attempting to not think about him as you flipped your page. </p><p>Even the book you were reading reminded you of him. It was such a drag, really. But when you heard a small voice right next to your head, you let out a yelp as the novel in your hands was taken away from you by someone, who then continued to plop themself on the couch next to you. </p><p>“Lord of Scoundrels, by Loretta Chase,” he said, closing the book to analyze the cover, “Hm, [L/N], I didn’t know you were fond of such… <em>lewd</em> <em>muggle</em> <em>books</em>.”</p><p>“I-it’s not <em>lewd</em>!” you exclaimed, snatching the book from the carob-eyed boy’s palms, “It’s a regency romance novel!”</p><p>“Ya mean <em>lewd</em>?”</p><p>“No, shut up, ‘Tsumu!” you huffed, smacking him with the book on his head when he laughed at your red face. He looked at you wide-eyed, stopping his vibrant giggles as he looked at you with a raised brow. A knowing smirk spread across his features as this time, he snatched the book from you, throwing it to the other sofa as he scooted closer to you. </p><p>Your breath was hitched in your throat, as he stood up, with an almost sinister smile as he <em>loomed </em>over you. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out as you looked up at Atsumu. </p><p>“Tsu—”</p><p>He placed his muscular arms on either side of your head, one on the arm-rest and one on the other pillow. You flinced horribly; you could feel your ears heat up as your eyes widened. You placed your palms on the plush seat, looking up at the boy you loved—and you couldn’t understand what you were feeling. Was it fear, or was it a <em>strange </em>thrill? His sly smirk turned into a cheeky grin as his nimble fingers found themselves on your stomach, tickling you almost <em>mercilessly </em>as he sat himself on the couch on top of you and continued irritating you. </p><p>You couldn’t stop laughing as you tried to pry his hands away from your torso. He finally stopped, looking at your panting figure underneath him—his knees on either side of your petite body as you looked up at him, breaking a small sweat. You were basically fuming, trying your best to dissemble your feelings that were probably very apparent. You <em>swore </em>you saw his eyes shy away from your practically red face, as he hid his expression by placing a hand on his face. </p><p>He didn’t <em>dare</em> move though, his heart wanted to touch you, hug you, kiss you. His eyes trailed on your heaving chest, his brain screaming at him to not look—for your sanctity—as that would be quite… <em>wrong</em>, per se. </p><p>“[Y/N],” he chuckled out, his breath shaky as he watched your every move. You looked at him curiously, not minding that his breath was fanning on your forehead as his body was tangled with yours. You were <em>dangerously</em> close to just pulling him into you, kissing him with everything you’ve got, and shedding him with so much affection. You didn’t mind that there wasn’t much physical distance between the two of you, somehow you liked it. </p><p>“'Tsumu…” you replied, in the most teasing tone possible to hide the way your brain was basically running a marathon. How could you just kiss him right away? He loved someone. Even if it was you, you shouldn’t be hasty and let him take the driver’s seat. You didn’t like messing up the flow of things, so why now?</p><p>It was silent after that. He helped you sit up, and brushed the hair off of your face. He didn’t say much—to be honest, his brain was just as fast as yours in the marathon of 'who’s more anxious about their love’, if not <em>faster</em>. You picked up your book, the one that Atsumu threw onto the other emerald couch before making your heart beat as much blood as it could, and began reading again as you sunk into the sofa. </p><p>Atsumu left for a minute, but he came back with a blue and yellow blanket. Sitting down next to you, he spread the velvet plush out onto your thighs and covered himself with it as well. You looked up at him with a questioning expression, to which he replied, “Just in case ya get cold.”</p><p>The night finally felt calm—<em>domestic, almost</em>—because Atsumu laid his head on your forehead as he read along with you. Before turning every page, you looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to hum. </p><p>You didn’t know that he really was watching you read the whole time. Whenever you’d look at him, he’d avert his gaze to the book and wait for a few seconds till he hummed. Eventually, although he didn’t realize it, Atsumu got tired and fell asleep on your shoulder. You couldn’t help but <em>adore </em>him—his hooded eyes looked so pretty when they were at peace, you almost wanted to press a kiss to his forehead. </p><p>But you stopped yourself before you could. Because Miya Atsumu wasn’t <em>yours </em>to begin with. </p><p>Sighing, you placed your bookmark onto the page where you left off and slowly got up from where you were sitting. You left Atsumu a note, saying how you felt sleepy and that he was a little heavy so you went to go lay in bed.</p><p>
  
</p><p>The next morning, even though your heart pounded fast due to the events of last night, your mind seemed to wander off to what happened last. The way you almost kissed the boy you love in his sleep. Well, it’s not like you were going to kiss him on the lips, you were just… almost going to <em>peck</em> his forehead(that looked very kissable, mind you).</p><p>You asked Kiyoko for help to get ready for the day, but Alisa interrupted her. Cheerily, she led you to her “make-shift vanity” as she called it, and made you sit on the seat as she brushed your hair. She was quite picky when it came to clothing, and you really didn’t want to go through the whole ordeal again. Last time, before going on a date to Hogsmeade with Kuroo, Alisa had a complete breakdown because she couldn’t decide between wearing red or white. </p><p>Just thinking about it made you <em>shudder</em>. </p><p>You nodded slightly as she told you to go get changed after your hair and forced “make-up” was done. She was going to cake your whole face with it, but you told her not to, so she ended up stopping with just a lip tint and some mascara. </p><p>And she ended up forcing you to wear a woolen sweater(even though it wasn’t that cold, she kept saying something about how cute you and Atsumu would look which earned her a death glare). You decided to not take her help anymore, since she’d only whine if you went against her. So you concluded that when Alisa was in the bathroom, you would make a beeline for the carriages. </p><p>And you did exactly that(after grabbing a backpack to carry all the candy back, that is).</p><p>
  
</p><p>You were giving yourself a pep-talk in your mind as you turned the corner. And as soon as you saw Atsumu wearing a sweater with a scarf and jeans, you swiftly hid behind the wall, cursing yourself for not listening to Alisa. </p><p>
  <em>He looked so handsome. </em>
</p><p>“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” you mumbled, peeping at him from afar, as he walked back and forth in the Courtyard waiting for you. A <em>scintilla</em> of doubt grazed your mind because what if he didn’t want to hang out with you? What if Miya Atsumu was just agreeing to buying you Treacle Tarts today because he felt bad for hitting your broom with a Bludger during Quidditch practice?</p><p>You sighed, facepalming, but then retracting your hand because your head was still in pain from the injury. You had decided on a band-aid today, as the roll of white across your whole forehead would probably attract unwanted attention. </p><p>“Hey, [Y/N],” you heard a voice behind you, making you flinch oh-so-horribly. You turned around to see Suna and Osamu, smirking at one another then you.<em> Curse the Miya brothers</em>, you thought,<em> always making me flinch.</em></p><p>“You two,” you breathed out, looking at your feet. Osamu chuckled as he saw your exasperated state and asked, “Why don’t ya go and talk to em instead of tryna stare him down from afar?”</p><p>
  <em>“I-I wasn't—”</em>
</p><p>“Come on, [L/N], who are you trying to fool here?” Rin replied, to which you could only reply with narrowed eyes. He raised an eyebrow as if taunting you to go ahead and counter him with your words, but you knew you simply couldn’t. They were right. </p><p>Osamu sighed as loudly and dramatically as he could, running a hand through his steel-grey hair before stepping up to you and turning your figure by placing his(huge) hands on your shoulders. He gave you a slight push, causing you to yelp and stumble into his twin’s eyesight. And almost immediately after your clumsy entrance(you were cursing Osamu mentally for that), Atsumu’s clove eyes <em>lit </em>up as a smile painted itself on his lips. </p><p>“[L/N]! I’ve been lookin’ all over for ya. Come on, let’s go grab a carriage before it’s too late!" </p><p>
  
</p><p>The ride to Hogsmeade was peacefully quiet. Atsumu insisted on taking you to Honeydukes’ first because apparently, that was today’s goal. </p><p>”[Y/N], today’s goal is to make ya happy by getting you as much sweets as possible, okay? Stop naggin’ n’ come with me,“ is what he had said before dragging you inside the sweet shop. Your senses were filled with the feeling of happiness <em>instantly</em>—the smell of melted caramel and English toffee invading your nose, the sound of teenagers trying to decide with they wanted cauldron cake or pumpkin pasties, and the hand of Miya Atsumu intertwining with yours—<em>wait, what?</em></p><p>You looked down at your hand, and in fact, it really was intertwined with his. He noticed you staring at it, and then mumbled, "Don’t want ya to get lost now, do we?”</p><p>You almost gushed, <em>because who gets lost in Honeydukes in their seventh year at Hogwart’s?</em></p><p>Making a beeline towards the Treacle Tarts and fudge, you immediately grabbed two packs of each. Atsumu decided on the Pumpkin pasties and Glacial snow-flakes(he loved powdered sugar) and soon, the two of you were in Spintwitches’ Sporting Needs—because Atsumu needed new knee-pads and gloves for Quidditch, he had apologized about a hundred times before dragging you inside(and to be honest, you didn’t mind). You had gotten to watch him analyze Quidditch equipment like his life depended on it—kind of like how you seemed before your OWLs and NEWTs. </p><p>And lastly, the two of you headed towards The Three Broomsticks. You warned Atsumu, saying that this was your treat for the day because of how nice he had been. When he tried to fight against it, you simply silenced him with your wand. </p><p>The two of you were laughing at something Atsumu had said, you didn’t remember what. He was still holding your hand, and you doubted if you could get lost here because you were really near the Shrieking Shack—and you were scared, because who wants to face ghosts?</p><p>“'Tsumu, we should get back. I don’t think we’re supposed to go in there,” you gestured to the house before you. Atsumu squeezed your hand once, looking over at you before smiling, “Ya trust me, don’t cha?”</p><p>“I-I… wait, <em>what?</em> Are you taking me in there?” you asked, wide-eyed, still not letting go of his hand. <em>Was he totally bonkers?</em> You thought. </p><p>“Yeah,” he shrugged, “I’ve been there myself, and there’s <em>literally </em>nothin’ scary 'bout this place." </p><p>You blinked profusely, not comprehending anything as Atsumu began walking—dragging you along because your hand was still linked with his(you weren’t letting go because you trusted him).</p><p>After closing the front door behind you, Atsumu said, "See? Nothin’ scary.”</p><p>“Yes, but—”</p><p>“Now, before you say anything, I want ya to take a deep breath. I’m gonna ask ya again, do ya trust me?” he raised an eyebrow. You were taken aback at how genuinely serious his tone was. What had happened to the Atsumu that was talking about gillyweed and calling Snape a grandma about twenty minutes ago? Had you done something stupid? Or was it that he was going to tell you who it was that he loved?</p><p>Or even worse, did he know that it was you who took his diary? <em>Was he going to hex you for it and leave you to rot—</em></p><p>“[L/N]?”</p><p>“I trust you!” you shut your eyes tightly, blurting out the three words that Atsumu probably wanted to hear. He hummed, leading you to a room up the stairs. </p><p>“Now, don’t get scared, 'kay?” he said, before removing his scarf and handing it to you, “Also, ya might wanna close yer eyes 'cause I’m 'bout to strip.”</p><p>“Miya Atsumu, what in the everloving <em>shit </em>are you thinking about?!”</p><p>“What, no! I ain’t doin’ whatever the fuck your pervy brain thinks! Just shut up and open yer eyes when I tell ya to!" </p><p>So you stayed quiet. Meanwhile, Atsumu was undressing himself and placing every article of his clothing on a chair nearby. He cleared his throat before saying, "Okay, open yer eyes in ten seconds.”</p><p>You slowly counted down, not wanting to accidentally see him naked. But what if he pranks you and just does something stupid? What if—</p><p>
  <em>Three, two, one.</em>
</p><p>You fluttered your eyes open.</p><p>And you definitely couldn’t believe what you saw. In front of you, wasn’t Miya Atsumu, but a fox.<em> A piss-colored fox, </em>which wasn’t making any predator-like expressions at you, but instead, it was just watching your every move. You gasped, eyes turning into tea saucers and hands flying to your face. It was the same fox as the night at the Black Lake. </p><p>
  <em>Miya Atsumu was an animagus. </em>
</p><p>You couldn’t help but reach out towards him, your hand brushing his fur in the slightest bit as his eyes looked up at you softly. </p><p><em>Damn Salazar</em>, you thought. How could his eyes look even prettier than they were before? Was that even possible? You swore you were staring into his eyes as you sat down on your knees, running your hands through his soft fur as he let out a small grunt. You retracted your fingers because of the noise, but when he leaned into your touch, you kept stroking him softly—as softly as you could. </p><p>You didn’t say a word, but simply smiled. </p><p>
  
</p><p>You were walking back to the carriages with Atsumu when he said, “I’m sorry for not givin’ ya a warning or somethin’. Ya probably got scared.”</p><p>You couldn’t deny it. You did get scared. A plethora of things had been running through your mind when he dragged you inside that house, wondering if something wrong was going to happen to you. But you trusted 'Tsumu. You loved him. </p><p>“I’m not going to lie. I kind of <em>did</em>,” you let out a chuckle, holding his hand and giving it a small squeeze, “But I was fine after. I didn’t expect it. Umm… if you’re comfortable, can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Sure,” he shrugged. </p><p>“Who else knows?” your voice barely audible(it even cracked, which you internally cringed at) as you question him. He thinks to himself for a couple of seconds, <em>pondering</em> as he watches his own footsteps. </p><p>“Rin, 'Samu, Aran, and Sakusa know. Kita-san did too, considering he’s the one that even taught us how to do it,” he dryly chuckled, “We almost got found out by some kid last year, Minnie had to get rid of his memories.”</p><p>
  <em>“Professor McGonagall knows?”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. Uh… 'Samu has this umm… thing. Bein’ his brother, I wanted to help him, and the others wanted to protect em. Minnie and Dumbledore agreed to not let anybody know. All of the professors did,” he says. </p><p>And just then, you spot the ginger-haired girl by the carriages by herself, with a letter in her hands as she looked at Atsumu expectantly. </p><p>You noticed how she eyed you and Atsumu, her eyes traveling down to your intertwined hands. She gasped, hiding the letter as quickly as she could. You looked away in guilt as you let go of his hand—he looked at you with a raised brow but you paid it no mind. </p><p>You couldn’t hurt two people just to get what you wanted.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahh this was my favorite chapter to write so far i think?? but adsjdks the sixth one(i can't wait to publish it)!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ember; the red and the fire.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— the revealing charm used to portray hidden messages written with invisible ink; in which miya atsumu is the bane of your existence but somehow also the most genuine friend you have. [an hq x hp series]</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Do you know the gut feeling you get when you’re doing something <em>terribly </em>wrong? It’s like breaking a promise that you’re supposed to take to the grave or breaking the trust of someone whom you hold close to your heart—the simple and utter destitute state of knowing that you’re doing something wrong, getting your hands tainted, but you do it anyway?</p><p>Then, you regret it. You regret going to Hogsmeade with Miya Atsumu. You regret that he trusted you so much to tell you his deepest secret, your heart clenched and clawed itself when you reminisce about that day—the soft hand-holding and blushing, the giggles and fond discussions, the shy smiles, and most of all, Atsumu. </p><p>All you know is that you’ve been avoiding him like the plague. Ever since the day at Hogsmeade, you’ve been trying to have as little conversation as possible with him. You felt forlorn, and helpless, mostly. What could you do, anyway?</p><p>You noticed the small stares the boy would give you during breakfast in the Great Hall or the quiet mumbles instead of the usual lilt through Potions, and the words he left unsaid when you’d make a beeline for the dormitory as soon as you stepped into the Common Room. Your heart hurt when you did it, you couldn’t lie. Tonight was the same, but a little different. You couldn’t sleep. </p><p>As you tossed and turned in your bed, you felt a sort of physical pain in your chest. As if the air was being sucked out of your throat. Just like last time. </p><p>
  <em>You were only seven; returning home from the muggle school you went to, you were looking forward to having dinner with your parents and grandmother. She had come to visit, saying how she missed having you around and even that she’d teach you how to make a potion today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You were so joyous—naïve and trusting, really—as you skipped the streets of London. It was a fair afternoon, small remnants of the rain from the morning remained in the pathway and the petrichor aroma filled your senses. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You loved the rain. The small dew drops sitting heavily on the freshly cut grass and flower pots(you were passing a florist, who was handing out chrysanthemums and hyacinths in bouquets and pots for only ten pounds). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smell of the flowers made you smile toothily. Your seven-year-old self had asked the vendor how much it would cost to buy a mixture of the two perennials in a bouquet—thinking that you could surprise your mother with them, after all, she loved flowers. The vendor had smiled at you, telling you that you were an exception and didn’t have to pay(he made you a smaller bouquet, though, which made you pout but you still paid him saying that he was a hardworking man). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man had laughed it off, and given you a head-pat. You had smiled, fixing your hat as you skipped off to your street. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was eerily empty for a fine November afternoon—you were furrowing your brows in confusion, looking around to see that your neighbors’ children weren’t outside playing cricket like they usually are after school. You walked up to your front door, picking out your key from your bag and unlocking the door. You removed your boots by the door, leaving them to dry as you looked around. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barren. Completely and utterly bleak.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gran?” your high-pitched voice had called out, “Mum? Dad?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You stepped into the house with an arrhythmic pattern, your footsteps trailing into the kitchen, “Why isn’t anyone home?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A shriek had erupted upstairs, snapping you out of your daze in the kitchen. Your ears perked up as you brushed your hair out of your face, “Mum..?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stay away, [Y/N]!” you could hear a scream coming from your parents’ bedroom—the rest of the house eerily silent as your tiny footsteps urged towards the commotion regardless of the warnings by your mother’s voice. Piercing screams and thumps could be heard, and your heart beat faster and louder with each millisecond. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“M-mum? Dad?” your voice getting smaller and smaller as you continued to search for the sources of the screams. You held your breath, the small bouquet still in your hand as you opened the door to your parents’ bedroom. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All air felt as if it was being sucked out of you—as if a vacuum were shoved down your throat and absorbing in all the oxygen present. Your eyes widened, pupils dilated as you witness your mother tied to a chair. A man in a black cloak stood in front of her, his wand pointed at her neck in a dangerously threatening way as someone grabbed you from behind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your screams were muffled by the hand on your mouth, dragging you further away from that room with each passing second as you fell unconscious after hearing the curse that took all happiness away from the seven-year-old you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Avada Kedavra.”</em>
</p><p>You awoke with a scream, hands covering your ears when you found your hair and forehead covered in sweat. All of your dormmates stood beside your bed with a concerned expression painted across their features. Kiyoko sat down beside you, pushing you towards the headboard, and handing you a glass of water. </p><p>“Nightmares again? I thought they stopped coming in after fourth year,” she mumbles as you gulp down the glass handed to you. You nodded after you placed the glass on the bedside table, looking down at your lap in guilt, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Are you a dimwit? Don’t be sorry, it’s completely alright,” Alisa smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder in reassurance as she sat down on the bed, “Which was it this time?”</p><p>“The one that repeats itself the most,” you sighed, pulling the duvet off of you, “I’m going to sit in the common room for a bit, you guys can sleep.”</p><p>“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Hana questioned, an eyebrow raised as she looked at you for a response, when you smiled in haste, “When have I ever been <em>‘not okay’</em>?”</p><p>With that, you left the dorm. The girls looked at each other with nervous glances, fully aware of your painful past and nightmares and that in fact, you were seldom 'okay’. </p><p>The steps you took were filled with a false sense of security. You let out a shaky sigh, sinking into the comfort of the pine-green sofa as one of your hands found the bridge of your nose. You never expected all of the memories to come rushing back when you were going through a somewhat rough war with your own mind. </p><p>A war you were definitely losing. <em>Damn it,</em> you cursed yourself. </p><p>“Rough night?” you heard a voice behind you. You <em>swore </em>you could feel your own mind smirking—knowing that couldn’t distance yourself from him as much as you thought you could, “Care to tell me what’s goin’ on?”</p><p>“No,” you grunted, picking up a pillow and hugging it as you closed your eyes—a desperate attempt to evade your eyes from meeting his. </p><p>“Ya do realize, I’m not that dumb, right?” Atsumu chuckled dryly, “I know yer tryna avoid me. It’s quite alright though, I understand.”</p><p>“It’s… <em>complicated</em>, okay? I don’t want to talk about it,” you groaned, pushing your legs up to the coffee table. Maybe you’d spend the night here, just trying to sleep as Atsumu annoyed you again. </p><p><em>That’s right</em>, you told yourself,<em> I just have to keep lying to myself that he’s a nuisance when he really isn’t. </em></p><p>The red of your heart seemed to spread faster whenever he was around, the blood traveling to your lungs and back to your heart ten times faster with each beat. He scoffed at you, “Sure. I hope ya don’t mind if I sit next to ya though.”</p><p>“Actually, I do. You’re a piss-haired menace,” you spat, finally sparing him a glare. You sucked in a breath, your eyes widening when you saw him properly for the first time in weeks. His hooded eyes didn’t have that much of a sparkle anymore. The color in them seemed faded; and he seemed tired(even if it was the middle of the night, you had always seen Miya Atsumu cheery and full of energy). There were bags under his eyes, as he smiled at you with the tinge bit of sorrow present in it. He dryly chuckled as you continued to pour fake venom at him, “I don’t want to be near you, of all people, right now. Please go away.”</p><p>“Me of all people? [Y/N], do you have <em>any </em>idea what hell yer goin’ on about right now?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, “You don’t even spare me a look at Quidditch practice. We lost a match because of ya last week. <em>Seriously</em>, what the hell is up with you, slug?”</p><p>“I hate you, that’s what’s up with me,” you sneered, throwing the pillow back to the couch and getting up. You began walking towards the dorm when you felt Atsumu’s hand grabbing your wrist—not even tightly, it was a weak hold and you could get out of it easily if you tried, but you didn’t. </p><p><em>“Do ya?”</em> he weakly looked at you, his voice cracking and barely audible, “Do ya hate me?</p><p>"Yes.”</p><p>“Then all ya said on that night by the lake was a lie, wasn’t it?” he asked. Your heart stopped when he said those words, the languor in the air almost making it hard to breathe. You opened your mouth to speak, when he cut you off, “Is this because of what happened at the Shrieking Shack?”</p><p>“No,” you said, “It’s because of something that happened after.”</p><p>“[L/N], <em>nothing</em> happened after. What in Merlin’s name are you on about?” he asked, his voice getting slightly louder as you flinched. He retracted his firm grasp on you, and you finally looked into his once carob eyes and smiled weakly, “I hurt someone.”</p><p>“Who’s 'someone’?” he questioned, eyebrows furrowed and eyes curious. You shook your head, pushing him lightly on his chest and looking away, “I-I can’t talk to you, 'Tsumu. If you’re worried about the thing at the Shrieking Shack, don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“Are ya fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” he said, anger boiling in his hickory orbs as his voice raised volume, “You’re my fuckin’ best friend, goddamnit! If you don’t talk with me, how in the hell would I know what’s wrong?!”</p><p>“Maybe I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong, Miya.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>The following morning, you decided to talk to the ginger-haired girl from Potions class. You found her in the library—in the secluded corner that no one usually visits, she flipped through a large book, writing down notes as quickly as she could. You sighed, clearing your throat as you stood in front of her. </p><p>She <em>really </em>was nice, wasn’t she? Upon seeing you, a small blush of embarrassment took over her face. She stood up from her seat as she focused her gaze on your boots, suddenly finding them interesting. Her ginger hair was tied up into a bun, and her bangs sat perfectly on her forehead as she fiddled with her fingers. She wore thin, round glasses today and they made her cerulean eyes pop with color.</p><p>“May I ask your name?” you said, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. She muttered something which you couldn’t hear, and then you raised an eyebrow at her. </p><p>“It’s Nari!” she squeaked, “[L/N]-san, I am so sorry for interrupting you and Miya-san the other day, if I had known the two of you were—”</p><p>“Miya and I aren’t together.”</p><p>“I’m sorry?”</p><p>“Shoot your shot. We’re just friends." </p><p>
  
</p><p>Walking back to the Common Room after dinner, again, made you feel hopeless. What you needed couldn’t come to you anymore, and you felt like you no matter how much you seek, you won’t find it again.</p><p>In Hogsmeade, when you were holding hands with Atsumu, there was just a sliver of <em>hope</em>—like the tiny flicker of a candle against the harsh winds. The menace would make you laugh and smile like no one ever could; he was the only one who made that particular grin appear on your face. You hadn’t laughed like that in years. </p><p>Now, in the cool corridors of Hogwarts, you walked <em>alone</em>—looking at the paintings who mumbled to themselves and asked you why you were out past curfew. You wanted to go to the Astronomy Tower, but the only thing that stopped you from getting yourself there was Atsumu. You worried that he’d probably be there too(like he always was, he loved spending his nights there when he was bored or couldn’t sleep). </p><p>You decided on going to the Quidditch Pitch. You had memorized how the Professors make their rounds at night, and at this time, Filch would probably be in the library. <em>This seems like the right choice</em>, you told yourself. </p><p>You made your way to the bleachers, climbing up the stairs as quietly as you could. Being alone seemed pleasant, really. The cool wind making your hair flow with it—as if it were one within. It felt nice, to finally have some silence and to be away from all the chaos. Your mind and heart felt like they had acquired a peace treaty, and you were finally finding some tranquility.</p><p>And then, you saw someone come up from the stairs and spot you sitting right where you were. </p><p>"You’ve got to be <em>joking</em> me,” the piss-haired menace called out, “Everywhere I go, it’s like yer followin’ me!”</p><p>“Throw the tosh in the bin, you idiot. As we can <em>clearly</em> see, I got here before you did. You can go to the other side of the pitch to another stand, or shut your trap and give me some peace,” you replied, in a somewhat bucolic tone. He wondered why there was a slight hesitance in your words, and why you still couldn’t meet his eyes after last night. </p><p>He cleared his throat, then continued to walk over to where you were. You rolled your eyes, looking away from the beater and to the sky—that was yet again, littered with small specks of titanium. </p><p>“Here,” the boy poked your shoulder, “I went to the kitchens before comin’ here.”</p><p>“You’re lucky the Elves like you,” you scoffed, taking the pumpkin tart that he was handing you. You didn’t know how to converse with him after what you blabbered to him last night, you didn’t even feel like he deserved to be your friend. The boy candidly cared about you even though you put him through a sort of hell for the past weeks. </p><p>“I’m lucky yer still talking to me,” he grumbled, chewing on the sweet as he found himself looking up too. His eyes softened, the stars at Hogwarts surely looked better than what they did back at Miya Manor. There were so many of them scattered across the velvet plush of navy and sangria. It made his sleepless nights seem like they were worth something. </p><p>This time, you were the one staring at him wide-eyed instead of enjoying the enchanting view above. You couldn’t help it, he really was the most <em>beautiful</em> boy you had ever laid eyes on. The most genuine and kind-hearted one too. Although you had a lot of friends that were probably more appropriate-tongued than 'Tsumu was, the stupid carob-eyed boy was the only one that brought out this vulnerable side of you. </p><p>“Why would you say that?” you asked, watching his every move. He brushed away a few strands of his hair that the breeze seemed to push towards his eyes and finally looked at you. </p><p>“Yer one of the only people that I care 'bout,” he gave you a one-sided smile, softening his gaze just the slightest bit to where it made you shiver, “And even if ya distance yerself from me, I would <em>still</em> care about ya.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i am so so sorry for delaying the update at ao3, i completely forgot. it's on tumblr already, though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. misunderstandings; his love.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— atsumu loves someone. the whole ordeal is a complete mess. but you’re really intent on finding out who it is, but what would happen if you got hurt in the midst of it?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="">
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <div class="">
    <p> </p>
    <p></p>
    <div class="">
      <p>A month had passed. You hadn't come across Atsumu other than that time at the Quidditch Pitch—mainly because you had stopped going out in the nights. You were scared you would blabber it all out to him. Saying how amazing he made you feel, or how your gaze would always soften when he talked about something he liked. The only times you would actually interact with him were Quidditch practices or in Potions class(he was your desk partner, after all). And just yesterday, you had won a Quidditch Match against Gryffindor—for which your team was holding a party tomorrow in your Common Room(you didn't want to attend it one bit, but you knew Alisa would drag you down anyway). You didn't want to look at Atsumu in the eye; you've contemplated it a plethora of times; tingles flowing through every inch of your skin, and even if you would rub your palms together to make it go away, it simply wouldn't.</p>
    </div>
    <div class="">
      <p>Currently, you were in the library, doing your DADA homework with as much concentration as you could. So focused, that you didn't notice a certain chartreuse-eyed boy sit next to you. You were moving your quill at an unstoppable speed, just converging on the essay in front of you.</p>
    </div>
    <div class="">
      <p>"So you're really gonna avoid him, huh?" </p>
    </div>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You broke your intense stare from your paper to look at Suna sitting next to you, running a hand through his hair and looking at your paper. He raised an eyebrow questioningly, "Finding excuses, seriously, [L/N]?" </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"What do you mean, <em>excuses</em>? I'm just doing my homework. And who would I be avoiding?" you shrugged, looking at him with your brows furrowed and eyes searching his for answers. A nonchalant expression painted across his face as he snatches the quill in your hand and begins talking before you could protest, "Ever since that red-headed Ravenclaw confessed to Atsumu, he's been sad. That was a month ago, [Y/N]. You come to Quidditch, and that's literally the only place he seems<em> 'okay'</em>."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Did you really come here to lecture me about Miya? He'll be okay, it's only one of his 'episodes' or whatever," you rolled your eyes, reaching for your quill, but Suna was quicker than you—he broke it. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>"What the fuck, Rin—"</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Listen here, [Y/N]. It's not often I actually give a damn about what's going on in people's lives, that too, Atsumu. When I'm saying he's sad, I fucking mean it. He doesn't sleep, doesn't let us sleep, and I'm guessing he told you about the Shack?" Suna arched an eye, looking at you expectantly for at least a nod(which you gave him), "So you probably know one of his deepest secrets, and right after he tells you that, you avoid him like the plague? Honestly, what kind of a friend are you?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You couldn't speak, looking at him with disbelief written all over your face. You had never seen Suna out of his composure—he always held his calm demeanor, no matter what. You tried to speak, but no words came out. Your mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to combobulate at least a sentence that made sense. You let your demure walls down, uncomfortably shifting your gaze from Suna to the table within seconds. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-I... The girl confessed to him?" you asked hesitantly, your voice as quiet as it could possibly be. He nodded, looking at his own book as he continued the conversation with you. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Yes, she did. I'm starting to think you were behind that too," Suna grunted, flipping a page when he saw a werewolf on the textbook. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-I sort of was," you mumbled, "I did tell her to confess her feelings to 'Tsumu because—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Why in the hell would you do that?" Rin asked, his eyes bleeding with rage. His lips were turned into a scowl, and his nose was scrunched. Your mind searched for some sort of answer to reason your actions, but you couldn't find anything except the fact that you didn't want to hurt Atsumu or the girl. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Because the girl asked me to help her," you said as a matter-of-factly, "And I did."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"By ignoring your own friend?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"You like him," Suna smirked in the denouement, "[Y/N] has a crush on Atsumu, so she tries to forget it and lives in a tragic misery while he's sad that she ignored him. What a <em>fucking</em> joke, you both are oblivious gits."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"What?" you looked at him inquisitively, while he shook his head in insouciance. He got up, gathering his textbooks one-by-one and looking at you coolly, "You should maybe try to find out who he likes before jumping to conclusions."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Rin, wait—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He didn't wait.</p>
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
    <p>Sitting in your dorm, you sifted through your notes. Kiyoko sat in front of you, throwing you an occasional glance your way. She hummed from time-to-time, going over her own notes for the Potions quiz tomorrow. Finally breaking your line of thought and the dense silence, Kiyoko said, "You look troubled."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Oh, really? Thank you for noticing, Ms. Holmes," you tilted your head at her, raising an eyebrow arbitrarily. She chuckled, looking at you as she thought about what might be going on in your chaotic mind. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"You're thinking about Atsumu," she mused, "And you want to know who he likes."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I- you sneaky wench, how did you know that?" you widened your eyes in disbelief, as she shook her head and gave you a slight shrug. You were too deep in your head thinking about his diary—oh how you wished you hadn't given it back. You cursed yourself for actually valuing Atsumu's so-called privacy when Kiyoko was right all along. If he were in your shoes, he'd read the whole thing in an instant. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"The look on your face literally tells me everything I need to know. So, what's the plan?" she asks, suddenly uninterested in her Potions textbook. She brushed a few stray hairs out of her face, tightened her ponytail, and gestured for you to talk(all the while you were staring at how engrossed she actually was in your love-life). </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I- to be honest, I'm not sure," you looked at your lap, "Maybe I should steal the diary again."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"That isn't a good idea," Kiyoko shook her head, "Look, you've returned it already. It'll become a mess if you steal it again."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Hm, what about the party tomorrow? Do you think I should say something?" Kiyoko was sort of baffled by your question, mainly because at first you had told her you probably weren't going to attend. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"You want to go to <em>that</em>?" </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Erm, I think I should at this point," you nodded, looking out of the window. Tomorrow was a full moon. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>After the test, you made a beeline to your dorm. You wanted to stay in there for as long as you could till the party to avoid random people from other houses asking you for the password. Sighing, you plopped onto your bed and thought about how you would interact with Atsumu tonight. Were you supposed to just go up to him and talk to him? You internally cringed at how he had said he'd care about you forevermore, because honestly, who says that to someone who is being so rude to them?</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You wanted to punch yourself, honestly. Your owl looked at you questioningly from his cage, causing you to look up at him. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Hey, Bo. I'm sorry I haven't been paying you much attention this year," you cooed, petting him slowly with your index finger, making him hoot softly. Your owl was as old as your time at Hogwarts—he was an egg when your grandma had gotten him for you, but luckily, his egg had hatched merely four days before you had to leave for school. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>His majestic grey and white fur were as soft as the clouds themselves, and his hoots weren't inherently loud as you talked with him. It had been ages since you had spent time with the owl, and it made you sad. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I'm sorry for my negligence, Bo. I hope you aren't mad," you murmured, stroking him ever-so-softly as you continued to talk, "Do you have any advice for me, darling? I swear, Bo, you have such good judgment." </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>As if immediately, the owl hooted in response to your comment, making you chuckle. He seemed to understand all of your problems so well—as if he were a human himself. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Could you tell me what I should do about Atsumu?" you asked, "I don't know how to approach him."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>The owl hooted as if it were talking in its own language, continuously as its amber eyes stared back at you curiously. You giggled at him, as he spread his wings out and hopped onto your desk. You pulled out his treats, feeding him some slowly as you sat down and began writing a letter—thinking that it's the best way to talk to Atsumu for now. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Bo, do you think you'll be able to send this to Atsumu?" you asked the owl. You noticed him shake his wings as he strutted a little—you knew Bo didn't like Atsumu as much until the fourth year, which was really amusing to you. But now, he gladly took the piece of paper and flew out the window with ease. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You sighed, because the moment Bo left, Alisa and Yukie barged in. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"'Samu give me my shirt, goddamnit!" Atsumu yelled, chasing his brother towards the bathroom, but Osamu closed the door just in time, "It's my fuckin' shirt, ya twerp! Get yer own! Ya stole it from me!"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>The yellow-haired boy sighed, walking over to his trunk and sifting through multiple shirts at once till his eyes landed on a certain sweater you gifted to him last year. A woolen white sweater that you had "made your grandma" sew. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He chuckled dryly about he still thought of you, picking the woolen sweater up and changing into it quickly. That's when he heard an all-too-familiar owl flew in through the window. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>"Fucking Salazar, isn't that-"</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Hush it, Suna," says Aran, while clamping his hand firmly on Suna's mouth. Suna smirks just a smidge, remembering his conversation with you in the library from earlier. Sakusa shakes his head in slight annoyance as he heads towards the bathroom after Osamu steps out. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Atsumu gulped. His eyes were fixed on Bo, who looked up at the blond with his big inquisitive eyes. He couldn't believe it. You had sent him a letter. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Damn," he muttered under his breath, his shaky hands taking the letter gently from the owl's beak. He pets the owl with his huge hands, getting a few hoots of annoyance in return. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>Hey. I'm pretty sure you know my owl very well. You got beaked in the eye in the third year, after all. I was wondering if you could meet me by the Black Lake tonight, after the party. I'm sorry if you don't want to, I will be waiting though. Sincerely, [Y/N].</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Holy hell," Atsumu mutters to himself. He hears a throat clear next to him, one that is clearly Suna's. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Mate, you do know what day it is, right?" Suna murmurs, throwing Osamu(who was brushing his hair) a quick glance. Atsumu swallowed a gulp of air once again, a lump forming in his throat as he took out a quill and some parchment. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-I do. After the party, I'll go meet her then come to the Shack. Try to hold him off till I get there," Atsumu mutters softly, gritting his teeth as his eyes fell back to your letter.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"We'll try our best, but you're the only one that can fight him the best, you know."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Yeah, I do."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Students from different Houses were piling in. Alisa squealed as she got all dressed up, thinking about how her boyfriend was coming as well. She curled her hair, changing up the color of her top about a hundred times with magic before finally deciding on a light beige.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Alisa, you're doing all of this just to get drunk and make out with Kuroo. Quit it and go like [Y/N], just wear a jumper," Hana facepalmed as she opened the door to the dorm, walking out, "I'll be with Yuuji if anyone needs me."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Get some!" Yukie yelled, earning a glare from Hana before she walked down the stairs. You rolled your eyes, sitting with Kiyoko and waiting for when she'll be done cleaning her glasses(she had been doing that for the last ten minutes). Scoffing, you asked, "What has got you thinking so much?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Erm, I'm just passing time till Alisa walks out so I can give you a pep-talk," Kiyoko says. You close your mouth almost instantly, choosing not to retort with anything because you knew Kiyoko would hit you with something a hundred times worse.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>A few minutes passed when Alisa finally hummed in satisfaction. She twirled in front of the mirror and left the room with Yukie after giving you a wink. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"So," Kiyoko started, "—what's the plan?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I wrote him a letter, and I'm gonna meet him by the Lake tonight," you say. Kiyoko raised her eyebrows and grimaced lightly, "You think that'll work?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I'm hoping. Bo hasn't come back—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Just as soon as you said that Bo knocked his beak on the closed window. You walked, no sprinted, towards the window and opened it. Bo dropped the letter into your palms, strutting towards his cage. It was as if both Kiyoko and Bo had stopped breathing, waiting for you to unfold the carelessly folded parchment. Your shaky hands carefully unfolded the parchment, letting out a sigh of relief when seeing the answer. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>I'll see ya there. </em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p><em>Firewhiskey. </em>The whole common room was filled with booming music, firewhiskey, drunk teenagers flirting or drinking with one another—some even snogging one another in the back—and some simply chilling. You shuddered as someone clearly inebriated off their ass bumped into you, mumbling a sloppy apology. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>That's when your eyes landed on the ginger-haired girl who awkwardly stood with her drunk friends near the inglenook. You smiled at her, waving your hand slowly as she smiled back. Suna hadn't told you Atsumu's reply to her confession, so you walked over to her, leaving Kiyoko with a boy named Tanaka(who wasn't drunk yet, and Kiyoko seemed to appreciate that. Apparently, the two had met before and Tanaka had immediately asked her to marry him because he was instantly infatuated with her. You were glad they cleared up the misunderstanding, though).</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Hey," you exclaimed, "Are you doing okay?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-I am, er.." </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"How did it go with him?" you asked, nudging her shoulder a tiny bit as if trying to befriend her. She shook her head slightly, letting out a dry chuckle as she said, "He said no. He was really kind about it too. But apparently he's in love with someone who's a total slug."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>She pushed up her glasses as you looked at her with wide eyes. Her cerulean orbs looked at you curiously as to why you were so shocked, but you stammered out a reply and walked away immediately, "Er.. I'm sorry, but could you excuse me for a minute?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You were panting. Running away from the Common Room as fast as you could, you headed towards the Black Lake with a million thoughts running through your mind.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>"How did ya pass sixth year, ya slug?" </em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>"Yer such a slug, [L/N]. So slow at catching the Snitch. I'm startin' to wonder why yer a Seeker and not on the stands cheering for me instead."</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>"Oi! Slug! Hurry up, will ya? We haven't got all day to board the train. Say goodbye to Granny [L/N] and get your scrawny arse here!"</em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You shook your head as a tear rolled down your cheek. Christ, if you only had read the stupid diary at once. Shaking your head frantically, you finally arrived at your destination. You panted heavily, hands on your thighs as you looked at the shimmery lake in sorrow. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>If only you had read it all. </em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Tsking, you clenched your fists in anger. Just then, you heard footsteps behind you.  </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Hey, [L/N]," Atsumu looks at you with half-lidded eyes, letting out a small sigh as the air from his mouth could be physically seen. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>It was cold, no doubt. You both were wearing thick sweaters—wait, he was wearing something you gave him. You wanted to give him a hug, just engulf him, and tell him that you loved him just as much, but he looked away in annoyance. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Are ya gonna say somethin'? I have to go somewhere, ya know," he says, kicking a rock into the water nonchalantly as you look at him in awe. His cheeks were a rosy pink and his hair was styled differently. And you could <em>swear</em> you smelled the scent of firewhiskey from his figure. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Are you plastered? 'Tsumu if you got hammered in there, I swear to Merlin—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"You what, [L/N]?" he looked behind to where you were standing, the full moon's light balancing off of his sharp features beautifully, "It's not like ya care about me like I care about you. Ya don't speak to me for a month, not even a fuckin' 'hello', and then ya write me a letter sayin' ya wanna meet me here."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I <em>loved</em> you, goddamnit," he croaked out. It felt like he was trying his best to get mad at you, but he really couldn't. His voice was cracking as he said those words aloud but he was trying his best to sound angry, "I loved you. I was going to tell you I loved you, and then you pulled the stupid 'I hate you' line. Do you even fucking know <em>how</em> that feels?"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"'Tsumu-"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"No, [L/N], you don't. You're an insufferable bitch, that's why. And I have to go now, so excuse me," he said, sniffing slightly as he looked away from you. You began to speak, but got cut off. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I-I just wanted to say sorry—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>A howl. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Atsumu's eyes widened, as he said, "Now I really gotta go."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"'Tsumu, wait—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I can't!" he says, running into the Forbidden Forest. You swore you saw a flash of light, and then an animal running through the trees towards the source of the sound. You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath as you pulled your wand out from your boot, and ran after him. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>It's now or never. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You couldn't believe it. Atsumu, in his animagus form, was running towards the Whomping Willow—and as perfectly as he could, he dodged every attack the crazy tree threw at him and went through a tunnel in the trunk. You tried making the same movements he made, but a branch hit you before you could go inside the tunnel. You kept trying, but by now, a lot of bruises had made their way onto your skin uninvitedly. You wanted to go after Atsumu, but this wretched tree wouldn't allow it. No matter how many times you cast the Healing Charm, <em>Episkey,</em> the tree somehow wouldn't let you in. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You sighed, coming up with your last idea before going to the tunnel. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Aguamenti!" you sprayed the opposite branch, the tree swirling and twirling to get rid of the water as you dodged every branch coming your way and finally made it in. It was like a slide at the park, really—and you finally landed in the one place you thought you'd never be in again. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>The Shrieking Shack. </em>
    </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>But as soon as you landed, you heard a piercing scream from upstairs. And soon, you saw a wolf stumble down the stairs as it whimpered, shuffling in pain as it hopped on three paws instead of all four. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Wait!" you held a hand out, and it finally noticed you, eyes wide. It growled at you, fangs bearing as you finally recognized who it was. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Rin?" you called out, noticing the color of its eyes and remembering the boy's Patronus from year four. It nodded, but then began pushing you towards the front door with its head. You tried budging it, but Suna really was way too strong as a wolf. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Rin, let me go!" you recoiled, pushing against his dark brown fur. He stopped, changing back to his human form to argue with you. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"How the <em>hell</em> did you even get here?" he barked, looking at you with wide-eyes, "You're not supposed to be here, [Y/N]. It's dangerous."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"I'm trying to help. I have my wand—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>The two of you heard a howl from up the stairs, Rin's eyes widening in fear as he said, "You have to go. If he sees you then you're done for."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"What?" you looked at him in disbelief, "I was with 'Tsumu literally minutes ago—"</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Well,<em> 'Tsumu </em>is busy right now. Go, [L/N]!" Suna yelled, pushing you towards the door as he mutated back into his wolf form. He limped up the stairs and towards the right, as you watched him silently. You let out a shaky breath, rolling your sleeves up and readying your wand. Hearing the thumps coming from the staircase, you could tell that whoever Suna was talking about was coming down the stairs. And a yellow fox was doing whatever it could to pull it back up. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>But it was to no avail. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>There stood a werewolf in front of you, as you let out a gasp—but didn't lose your stance—and kept your wand at the ready. The werewolf freed its arm from the fox(namely Atsumu, who was absolutely terrified because you were here) and threw some physical entity at you. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p><em>"Protego!"</em> you yelled, swiping your wand over you just in time for the object to go flying back. Pointing your wand at the wolf, you cast, <em>"Incendio!"</em></p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>A rouge flame started from the tip of your wand, extending to the creature in front of you that howled again, screaming loudly as it reached out for you. The wolf and the fox trying with all their might to stop it, but it simply wouldn't budge. You kept your wand up as you ran backwards toward the door—but <em>alas</em>, it was too late. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Miya Atsumu never expected you to follow him into the Shrieking Shack—all because you wanted his forgiveness, for which he was too stubborn to give to you. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Miya Atsumu also didn't expect to almost die tonight, because right after the werewolf—otherwise known as his own twin brother, Osamu—shoved you against the wall, Atsumu pounced and scratched and screamed as hard, as fast as he could. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>The night died down fast, Sakusa and Aran carrying everyone towards the Castle where Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey helped to get them all into their assigned beds in the Infirmary. Atsumu had a rueful expression in his features when he saw you in bandages next to his bed. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>"Damn it," he mumbled, "Fucking damn it."</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>You looked peaceful, but this was the second time you had gotten hurt because of him. And he really didn't want to forgive himself this time. He knew he was in a worser condition than you, but he wished—no, <em>prayed</em>—that you were safe in your room and he was better off dead. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>
      <strong>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</strong>
    </p>
  </div>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ASDJKS I LOVE THIS CHAPTER WITH MY HEART AND SOUL &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. reckless; his mistake.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— atsumu isn’t one to take rash decisions but he couldn’t help himself. now, your heart is shattered.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this one is a little shorter, as the next one is going to be about twice or maybe more as long. and i'm so sorry for the late update, i got caught up with everything finally going offline :'(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div class=""><p>You woke up in the morning, with Madam Pomfrey just by your bedside as she mixed a few herbs together in a mortar and pestle. You coughed, your throat dry as a tumbleweed, as your eyes widened.</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>Atsumu.</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>You tried getting up, the pain in your shoulder skyrocketing as you coughed even more. Madam Pomfrey was scolding you, but your ears were ringing—you could only hear a white noise as you coughed and the school nurse forcefully poured a nasty tasting medicine into your mouth, making you swallow it as she held your jaw softly. </p></div><div class=""><p>"There. You're good now, darling. Just lay down for a while, alright?" she said, rubbing circles on your back. Your mind raced as all you could do was nod at the woman, who moved onto the bed next to yours. </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>That's Rin! </em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>You look at your figure in a frantic state—bandages wrapped from your left wrist to your shoulder, random purple bruises littered across your leg and arms with gashes in your other leg and torso. You grimaced at your sight, but then looked up and around in denouement. </p></div></div><div class="">
  <p>The curtains covered the bed to your right; you were trying your best to figure out who all was in the Infirmary with you. Till now, you could see Suna, Sakusa, Osamu, and Aran—</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>That's Atsumu</em>, you gasped in revelation. Your eyes darting to the tiny space between the curtain and the wall just to get a glimpse of the boy. Just then a coarse voice stopped you, "Don't bother, [L/N]. You won't want to see <em>that</em> right now."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Rin?" you whipped your head around and instantly regretting it because of the sudden rush of pain. Seeing the brown-haired boy get up as he winced made you feel almost guilty—it's because of you they were so hurt, wasn't it?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"This happens every month, don't worry," he coughed out as Madam Pomfrey scolded him about talking such <em>'posh'</em>. He laughed it off, saying that if you and Atsumu weren't there, then his wounds would be worse. You opened your mouth to speak, but that was when you heard a grunt coming in from the other side of the curtain.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Okay, hush now, both of you," Madam Pomfrey says, ruffling Suna's hair lightly as she grabbed a syringe and a bottle from the table and walked towards the other side of the curtain—simply so you two wouldn't have to see how bad Atsumu's wounds really were. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And a couple of seconds later, when Miya Atsumu's screams filled the Infirmary, was when you realized—you shouldn't have followed him into the Shrieking Shack. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're okay, now. That's all that matters," cheered Alisa as she walked into the Great Hall for dinner a few days later. You walked alongside them, hiding your bandages inside your robe. You hated how Atsumu was still in the Infirmary as the rest of you roamed about freely. It irked you to an extent where your nights felt almost sleepless. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You would be thinking about him—contemplating whether you should have gone after him. Whether it would be any different if you had just let him go; if you had just waited for the next day to talk to him again. You never knew when you were falling asleep, just staring into the darkness till the depths of the night. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You visited him in the Infirmary every day till he got discharged. You couldn't help but feel responsible for his wounds because honestly, who wouldn't? And when a week later, he was discharged, he didn't seem to even look you in the eye anymore. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It drove you <em>crazy</em>—not feeling his burning stare at the back of your head every time you walked to Potions, him not even bothering to yell at you in Quidditch practice, him not teasing you about the Treacle Tarts during dinner, and you just missing his vague southern dialect barking at you for no reason whatsoever. You craved his slightly flirty comments that made your ears heat up in Transfiguration and Alchemy, how he'd say the dirtiest of things without failing to keep a straight face. You even wanted him to annoy you again or hit you with his Bludger so you could go to Hogsmeade with him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You look like the <em>saddest</em> Bowtruckle ever," Suna nudged you as you sat alone in the Courtyard, chuckling as he sat down next to you and began talking, "You're worried about him, aren't you?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"How do you always know what to say, but you're the cockiest little shit ever?" you ask, closing your book and facing the chartreuse-eyed idiot, scoffing. He looks at you, raising an eyebrow as he says, "Wasn't it you that avoided him in the first place? Dare I say, you kinda deserve this."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh, how I wish the unforgivable curses weren't illegal right now," you gritted your teeth, standing up from your place at the fountain and kicking a stray rock at Suna, "Because I could <em>literally</em> torture you right now."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You should just kill me instead," he shakes his head. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Merlin's beard, you're one depressed little shit."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You should talk to him," the annoying wolf catches up to you yet again, walking over to your left so he could stop you from turning to the staircases. You huffed, stomping one foot and placing a hand on your hip as you said, "Rin, for Salazar's sake, not this again."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What? Classes are over, and he's literally rotting in the dorm. If I get him out after Quidditch today, will you talk to him? At least make the damn effort," Suna hisses, flicking your forehead as his expression clearly sprays more venom than his words. You sighed, shaking your head, "I need to think about it."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Why the fuck-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"He said he loved me on the full moon," you paused, "By the Black Lake?" you say hesitantly, making it come out more like a question than an answer. Your eyed averted to the floor, anywhere but Suna, who had his mouth wide open and his eyes actually intrigued in what you had to say now. He cleared his throat begrudgingly, coughing once or twice before saying, "What did you say?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We.. erm, got interrupted," you look back up to a shocked Suna, who was edging you to continue, "By erm... the Shack thing."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh for fuck's sake," Rin lets out a breathy sentence, his whole demeanor turning into disappointment, "Why are there so many fucking... <em>ugh!"</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Your pain is understandable, pussy bangs," you giggled, grabbing his robes slightly and leading him to the library to complete your homework. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey, don’t fucking call me that!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You had continued to meet up with Kiyoko to go to Quidditch Practice that evening. You managed to catch the Snitch in a few minutes, earning a small, dissent "good job" from Atsumu. It made you smile just a smidge, glad for the smallest interaction in the past week that he had been discharged. A scintilla of regret slipping in your mind as you felt the urge to tease him as if everything was okay. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Practice ended soon enough, you walking back to the changing rooms with Kiyoko and Osamu, talking about something or the other as you walked into the girls' changing room, parting with the grey-haired werewolf as Kiyoko began, "Osamu says <em>he</em> hasn't been sleeping."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Stop," you sighed, taking off your shoes and socks as you sat on the bench next to the locker, "—you're not helping and you're making me confused. I talked to Suna, and I'm going to try to talk to Atsumu soon. I need to give him time."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I literally didn't say anything," Kiyoko laughs, pulling on a grey jumper and jeans as she tilts her head, "You're doing good, bub."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Thank you..?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You reminisced about the times in third year how Atsumu used to say, "a cold shower is the answer to all problems", chuckling when you remembered the next part of that sentence as you plopped onto your bed, turning over and reaching to the bag of treats to slip them to Bo. You watched the grey owl slowly gulp down the treat, smiling contently as you hugged a pillow close to your chest. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"God, Bo. It's late at night and I skipped dinner today of all days," you groaned, getting up to sit at your desk, your head on the table. The owl tilted its head, hooting a few times in response as if saying that you should go to the kitchens to get that snack after all.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're always right, Bo. Here have another treat," you cooed, feeding the bird one more crumb then walking out of the Common Room in your invisibility cloak. The House Elves were always kind to you, giving you a snack even in the middle of twilight, and keeping quiet when Filch questions them about how a few Treacle Tarts or dumplings are missing. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You curse yourself when you almost bump into the wretched cat, namely Mrs. Norris, when you walked into the Kitchens. A House Elf gasped, running to the door and closing it immediately after you pulled off the cloak. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"[Y/N] must not sneak out at night like this, it will get her into trouble!" Missy, a House Elf behind the counter shrieks. You stifle a giggle, petting the Elf's head lovingly and slipping her a scarf—your heart melting at how the female Elf blushed at the gift, immediately adorning it as she quickly reached into a jar and slipped you a few Pudding cups and Treacle Tarts(which you took into your jacket pocket) before wishing Missy a good night and walking back out. You were on your way back to the dorms when you heard a very... <em>questionable </em>noise, per se. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What in the name of Godric," you cursed, simply shaking it off as you walked down the stairs to the dungeons, but then hearing a voice that you knew way too well. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Atsumu?</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You gasped, running back up the stairs as you looked around frantically. The cloak covering you barely as you panted, finally finding the source of the said "noise".</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>To say you instantly regretted that decision, was probably the biggest understatement of the year. As you see Atsumu, pressing a girl against the wall of the empty hallway(which the professors normally don't check at this hour as they've already gone to sleep), as he left marks on her neck. The girl placed her hand on his head, tangling his piss strands with her nimble fingers as she bit down on her tongue. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You couldn't believe it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It took him one week. One week, to get over you, who he had been pining over for years. He hadn't even thought twice to ask if the so-called "unrequited" feelings were reciprocated. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You were heartbroken. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>So, what do you do? You let a few tears slip—wiping them away almost instantly as you walked back to the Common Room in rue. But what you didn't know, was that someone in their dorm was cursing out their brother as they looked at a very peculiar map in their hands. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <strong>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</strong>
  </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. saudade; you love him too.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— you tell him what it’s like to be in love with his reckless self, and he can’t help but smile.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Miya Atsumu was a person who tended to overthink a lot—whether it be his own decisions or his words. Mainly, it was his actions.</p>
<p>What he regretted the most, was this. The walk of shame to his own dorm room in the middle of the night, after doing the same thing he used to do for the past few years to take his mind off of you, made his heartstrings clench in repentance. His eyes were glued to his feet when he finally made his way to the Common Room, his throat as dry as sand, and lumps the size of pudding cups forming in his throat. He sighed, mumbling in the password in a morose tone.</p>
<p>He walked in, fixing his black turtle-neck as his eyes landed on you by the fire. Your back faced towards him, as a small smile made its way onto his lips, immediately disintegrating when he realized what he had just done.</p>
<p>He could hear small sobs coming from your direction, a slight tug of his mind wanting to come and comfort you from them. Whatever your problems might be, he wanted to push them all away. He wanted to make whoever, or whatever, caused your pain to be reminded that he was always protecting you.</p>
<p>Most importantly, he wanted to know why your heart was hurting. <em>What</em> made you cry like this?</p>
<p>Your eyes were glistening when you got up from where you were sitting, the invisibility cloak in your hands as you turned around and widened your bloodshot eyes after seeing Atsumu. You brought up a hand to stifle a sob, trying your hardest to not make him hear it, as you almost sprinted towards the stairs towards the girls' dormitory.</p>
<p>"[Y/N], wait—"</p>
<p>He flinched when you slammed the door to your dormitory, sighing too loudly as his gaze downcasted yet again. He shuffles up the stairs to his own room, where he sees Osamu and Suna sitting up and chatting.</p>
<p>"Why the hell are you two still up?" Atsumu groaned, walking to his trunk as he sifted through shirts to wear to bed, then deciding on sleeping without one.</p>
<p>"Oh, we're just <em>casually</em> chitchatting about what a fuckin' knobhead ya are," Osamu grunts, Suna placing a hand on his shoulder, muttering, "Calm down, Moony. Sakusa and Aran'll wake up if you shout."</p>
<p>"For Merlin's sake, 'Samu, I'm not in the mood," Atsumu shrugs his younger twin off, heading to his bed as Suna throws the map at his head.</p>
<p>"Oi, be <em>careful</em>!"</p>
<p>"Where's [Y/N]?" Suna asks, his arms folded across his chest as he leans on the front door, raising an eyebrow at the yellow-haired male in disappointment.</p>
<p>"In her dorm, saw 'er go up when I came in," Atsumu says, completely clueless as to what Suna was hinting towards.</p>
<p>"Swear to fuckin' Salazar," Osamu flops into his bed, pulling the duvet over his head as he murmurs, "Yer so dumb."</p>
<p>"'Samu, shut yer trap for a second," Atsumu brings a hand up to gesture to Osamu to stay quiet, continuing to pay attention to the wolf talking.</p>
<p>"Where's the girl you were snogging?" Suna sighed, ruffling his hair as he sat down on his bed, as Atsumu shrugs to the question—a clear indicator that he does not know.</p>
<p>"Merlin's Beard," Osamu grumbles, earning an annoyed expression from Atsumu who closes his eyes shut in inconvenience. Atsumu raises an eyebrow, not being able to put two-and-two together, as Suna finally says the words Atsumu would probably dread to hear.</p>
<p>"[Y/N] saw you snogging the girl by the Astronomy Tower," Suna says quickly, pulling the duvet over his head finally as Atsumu's eyes widen in shock.</p>
<p>All the mustard-furred fox wants right now is to run to you and apologize a million times—because whatever he has to say right now is probably <em>not</em> enough. Just a few minutes ago, he wanted to make your worries fade away. He wanted to teach whoever made you sad a lesson—but <em>how could he</em>, when the person who hurt you was Atsumu himself?</p>
<p>Osamu turned in his bed when he saw Atsumu sitting there, staring off into space, rather than going to bed. The grey-haired knew that Atsumu probably felt immense guilt, but what could he say? His twin brother had messed up on his own, and now he had to deal with it on his own as well.</p>
<p>And Osamu knew, that in no way possible would it be <em>easy</em>.</p>

<p></p><div class="media-holder media-holder-draggable media-holder-figure">
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    <br/>
    
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  <div class="media-button icon_close media-killer">
    <p> </p>
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</div><p>You slammed the door to your dorm, muffling your sobs the best you could as you shut your eyes and slid down the door. Hugging your knees to your chest, and when you finally looked up, you saw that all of your roommates were sitting there, looking at you with pity in their eyes.</p>
<p>You <em>hated</em> this. You <em>hated</em> Miya Atsumu. You <em>hated</em> being pitied.</p>
<p>"[Y/N]—" Alisa started but quickly stopping when Kiyoko gave her a certain look. You opened your mouth to say something, but it seemed as if your own body was in denial, not wanting to listen to your mind. You sighed, your eyes bleeding seawater as you bit your lip until a metallic taste filled your senses. You wanted an out—no matter what it was, you just wanted to get out of here. <em>Everything</em> reminded you of him, you just wanted to go back home to the haunting memories instead of staying here.</p>
<p>"Hold on a minute, darling, why are you crying?" Hana says, walking up to you and handing you a glass of water. You push it away, shaking your head as you mutter out incomprehensible words. Hana's features softened, as she helped you get up and into bed, everyone else giving you your space as the oldest in the room bid you a good night with a ruffle of your hair.</p>
<p>As the lights in the dorm finally went off, you tried your best to fall asleep, but couldn't when all your thoughts were swarmed by a certain blonde.</p>

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    <br/>
    
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  <div class="media-button icon_close media-killer">
    <p> </p>
  </div>
</div><p>When all the other students walked to breakfast for their normal Saturday morning, you made your way to the Black Lake. You remembered to carry a small loaf of bread, throwing in a few crumbles every few minutes so the fishes underneath your dangling feet eat them. You sighed, your mind racing at a million light-years per second.</p>
<p>
  <em>Were you not good enough?</em>
</p>
<p>Was that it? Why couldn't Atsumu even ask if you felt the same? It was true that your love for him was just beginning to bloom—but if you had realized it sooner then maybe it wouldn't have gotten to such a point where every inch of your being wanted to burst into tears or sulk in a lightless room. If he loved you, then why was it that he was with a girl yesterday? Was she more pretty, or more talented? Was she better in Quidditch, or did she make him laugh?</p>
<p>
  <em>Did he fall in love with her, forgetting about you in the process?</em>
</p>
<p>You heard footsteps behind you, causing a small sigh to escape your cerise lips. You didn't want to look at whoever it was, your mind simply longing to shut yourself out of existence.</p>
<p>"[Y/N]," the all-too-familiar voice says. You closed your eyes, your mind screaming a 'no' loudly and repeatedly, dreading whatever the older Miya twin has to say.</p>
<p>"Leave me the <em>hell</em> alone, Miya," you grumble, tossing in another few breadcrumbs into the sheer water. He winced at the tone and the way you said his last name—the former nickname discarded somewhere he couldn't reach. He closed his eyes, sucking in a breath as he said, "'Samu told me you saw."</p>
<p>"Well, I'd like you to leave me alone. Because whatever stupid apology you have prepared, I don't want to hear it," you rasped, your expression turning into a nasty scowl as the boy was taken aback. Your previous banters in these past years were never as serious as the matter at hand, so he couldn't tell how he was supposed to react according to the cold manner.</p>
<p>"I don't deserve you," he mumbles, "I know you just said you didn't want to hear an apology from me. But honestly, there's nothing else I can say to you except the fact that I don't deserve you."</p>
<p>You scoffed, getting up as you threw in the last bits of bread in your palms, as you finally faced him. His gloved hands in his coat as you huffed, "You didn't even <em>care</em> to ask how I felt, did you?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You got mad that I <em>'ignored'</em> you for sometime, so you fucking ignore me back. I'm rude to you for what, a few days to figure out how I feel, and you go ahead and get mad. You're such a petty little shit, Miya," you hissed, gritting your teeth at the last sentence as you continued, "You didn't think once to come and ask me why I ignored you. No, you just went along with it—"</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hey, I asked!"</em>
</p>
<p>"Fine, you asked. But did you <em>understand</em> why I was behaving that way, you knob?" you raised an eyebrow, staring into his eyes as if it's the last banter you get with him, "No. You ignored me after that, which led to this."</p>
<p>"You said you hated me, don't you dare go back on your word, [L/N]," his voice cracks as he takes a step closer to you, grabbing your arm so you don't fall into the water behind you, "You made me think that you hated me, so I backed off. What else was I supposed to do? I didn't expect you to walk into the Shrieking Shack just for me!"</p>
<p>"Because I wanted to tell you that I loved you too! But you were in over your head so you didn't listen!"</p>
<p>"Wait, <em>what?!</em>" Atsumu yelled in surprise, his clutch on you becoming tighter as he continued, "And you didn't think to tell me beforehand?"</p>
<p>"On the first day of school, you lost a certain book. Don't you remember?" you murmur, voice undeniably small as your shy eyes avert their gaze from him. A juxtaposition of anger, fear, and anxiety mixing in your heart. You simply wanted an out more than anything at this moment—an abditory sounding better than to admit stealing his book.</p>
<p>"My diary, yeah. Wait a minute, I found it under my bed the next day. How do you know 'bout that? Even 'Samu doesn't—" the fox paused, mumbling obscure words under his breath as he put two-and-two together,<em> "You stole it?!"</em></p>
<p>"I didn't steal it!" you fought back, "I found it. I didn't read anything but the first page, because I started to feel guilty and so I wanted to return it because you would kill me if you noticed I had it. On the night we met here, of all places, I returned it to your room. Merlin's beard, I almost got caught by you too—"</p>
<p>"[Y/N]."</p>
<p>"And then I went to the Black Lake and I was conflicted because I thought you loved someone. That was when I <em>actually</em> realized I was really in love with you, because damn, it hurts when you find out that something you've had all along isn't yours anymore—"</p>
<p>"[Y/N]," Atsumu almost wanted to laugh. You were flailing your hands around as you rambled on about. He was listening to whatever you said, and he was <em>completely</em> entranced. Because now he really understood why he loved you. Simply spending some time with you made his heart bloom like a hibiscus on a hot summer day. And you continued, "But then your stupid arse decided to take me to the Shrieking Shack and show me that you were an animagus. I swear, who does that? The girl, <em>God</em>, I saw her and I felt so bad for just being with you because she nicely asked me to set you up with her."</p>
<p>"Wait, you wanted to set me up with <em>her</em>?" Atsumu asked, his mouth turning into an almost overjoyed smile, "That's—"</p>
<p>"Shut it!" you yelled, "That's why I ignored you. I thought you'd be better off without me, and now I'm starting to think you are."</p>
<p>Dejected, you begin to walk off, but somehow, just somehow, Miya Atsumu gets the smallest sliver of courage to tell you how much he cares for you—how much he wants you to stay, how much he wants to hold you, and how in love he actually is.</p>
<p>He takes a step forward, catching your wrist and tugging slightly, making you look back at him. The winter breeze making you look like an angel as the sky decided that it was time to shower Hogwarts with white specks of joy.</p>
<p>"You have no idea how much I waited to tell you I loved you," he began, "I love you so much, [L/N]."</p>
<p>"Why'd you run off with another girl last night, then?" you choked out a sob, tugging Atsumu's heartstrings forcefully. He opened his mouth to speak when he realized he doesn't exactly have proper reasoning for why he did what he did. You let out a dry chuckle, the atmosphere thickening as you shook off his hand and began walking.</p>
<p>"On the second page of my diary," he begins, "I talk about our nightly trips around Hogwarts."</p>
<p>"Atsumu, don't—"</p>
<p>"Please, just listen to me," he begs, "On the second page of my diary, I talk about how much I want to be with you. I talk about how yer one of the only things that give me happiness, and I talk about the little things you do depending on yer mood."</p>
<p>You chuckle as you let out a sob, but he continues, "I want to see more of it, y'know? The little thing with your hand that you do usually when you're nervous—trust me, I've seen a lot of it when you're around me. I love how yers eyes light up when eating Treacle Tarts, and I adore how you can come back with ten times the insults I throw at ya."</p>
<p>"You're going to make me stay, dummy," you say, with a rueful smile on your face, as he chuckles, "That's the intention, slug."</p>
<p>"I thought you hated me," he says, making your heart swell up, "I avoided you because I thought you hated me. And yesterday, I-I did that 'cause I didn't wanna bother you anymore. I thought," he paused, sucking in a breath, "I thought if I distance myself enough then you won't hate me anymore."</p>
<p>"What am I supposed to say to that, you idiot?" you laugh, to hide what you really wanted to say. You brushed your hair out of your face, walking closer to the boy. And without saying anything, he wraps his arms around your torso, pulling you even closer as he whispers into your ear, "I'm so in love with you, slug."</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm so in love with you too, 'Tsumu."</em>
</p>

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  <b>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</b>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>second last chapter, y'all. i'm gonna cry, the last one lmelts my heart and i can't wait to put it out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. aparecium; an incantation to always remember.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>— you finally read all the other pages of his diary.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is it. this is the last chapter. bonus parts(mostly crack lol) will be avaiable on tumblr :'(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="">
  <p></p>
  <div class="">
    <p>You stand in front of your apartment, sighing as you close your eyes, making your way inside your bedroom and begin to pick up the cardboard boxes with the help of your wand, moving them outside into the living room for someone(who is quite late, yet again) to take to your new home.</p>
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  <div class="">
    <p>You tie your hair up, fixing your overcoat a little as you sigh, making your way to the smallest box, placed in the corner of the room. Just by looking at the stamp on top of it, you smile. </p>
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  <div class="">
    <p>
      <em>The memories of your time at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. </em>
    </p>
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    <p>You carefully sit on your knees, your plaid skirt riding up just a smidge, as you open the carton in front of you. </p>
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    <p>To say that it was filled up <em>completely</em> was an understatement because right now, a few books and photographs fell out onto your lap, making you chuckle. You picked up the photographs, settling with your back against the wall and your legs stretching out, as you looked through them one by one. </p>
  </div>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The first one—one of your graduation ceremony, standing next to Shimizu Kiyoko(the current owner of the most popular Quidditch shop in London) who was beaming vividly at the camera with you, holding up your wands as a gesture that you had finally done it. Something that seemed almost <em>insurmountable</em> when you first started school, and now? You all were content, happy with your lives. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The second photograph was one from the third year, your first time in Hogsmeade. You were in The Three Broomsticks, and a mustache of the froth from the butterbeer had formed atop your lips. Behind you, a certain fox pointed and laughed his guts out. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The next picture was from the Shrieking Shack—where all of your friends had ditched the second last day of school and spent the whole day drinking and reminiscing the past seven years of <em>nostalgic </em>happiness. A boy held your hand with the fondest look in his carob orbs, and you returned it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You gingerly took the three photos, storing them in the photo album that had also fallen out of the box in the process of you opening it. Smiling, you took out some more mementos. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Your broomstick, the Nimbus 2001, sat at the bottom, but you excitedly removed it and placed it on the ground, saying, <em>"Up!"</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It almost made it to your hand but fell down upon grazing your fingertips. You pouted, blaming the number of years it had passed since you had played Quidditch. Peering into the box as you placed the broomstick aside, you found something even funnier. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Cheap, piss colored hair-dye that was almost ten-years-old. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You chuckled, looking at it playfully as you opened the top of the bottle. The disgusting odor that came from it made you grunt as you immediately placed the cap back on top, never desiring to touch that thing ever again. And once more, you placed the item in your hand to the side, looking into the box to find more things that reminded you of your happiest years. </p>
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  <p>You couldn't <em>believe</em> your eyes at what sat at the bottom of the carton. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>An empty notebook with a soft leather cover, with a grey quill by its side, sitting there and ridiculing you. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You blinked twice, making sure what you were seeing was real. Hell, you even rubbed your eyes until you could see mindless patterns in the dark. You opened your eyes, the patterns making themselves sort of visible in plain sight, disappearing after a few milliseconds when you grabbed the brown book in front of you and whispered with your wand in hand,<em> "Aparecium."</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>September 2, 20**.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I don’t know what I’m doing at this point. It’s been 3 years since I started loving her.  When I saw her walk into the train today, umm, yesterday cause it’s past 2 AM now… I felt so happy?? I mean, I know I tease her and all, she’s quite amazing. She’s got the brains for it all and insults me back even when I say something stupid.  I really dunno. 3 years and I’ve made 0 progress. I seriously need to re-think my decision about my love for this girl 'cause 'Samu says there’s no chance she loves me back. Dunno if I’ll be able to stop my feelings, though. I’ve liked her since my second year. Damn me, for being such a lovesick puppy.  And to think I colored my hair for her too. [Y/N] called it piss-colored. Out of all things, why the fuck would ya compare somebody’s hair to piss? That’s utterly disgusting. I wonder where [L/N] gets these dumb ideas. Damn her, that slug. Anyways, I have class in a couple hours. G'night. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'Tsumu. </em>
  </p>
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  <p>You immediately let out a hearty laugh, flipping to the next page when you remembered a certain encounter with the boy who wrote the diary. The day he told you he loved you, by the <em>infamous</em> Black Lake, he spoke of this particular page. He said that he addressed the nightly trips around Hogwarts, about how much he longs to be yours, about his happiness when he sees you, and your snarky comments that are just as, if not more, witty than his. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>September 4, 20**</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Today was the third day of school. Also my first trip around Hogwarts with [Y/N] under my invisibility cloak. We snuck into the kitchens and got ourselves steak pies and treacle tarts, and then went to the Astronomy Tower where we ate them while laughing about nothing in particular. I love these little trips. They make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Dunno how to put it into words, but I really like spending time with her alone. It makes me really really really happy. I wish that someday, maybe when I'm all grown up and play for a known Quidditch Team and she's a DADA professor, we are still like this. Going around to aimless places, eating food, and laughing about the old times(or anything really, I just want to be with her even when I'm older). And just like always, she doesn't fail to throw dumb comebacks at me. I can't help but chuckle at them, because sometimes they really are offensive. Well, looks like it's time to hit the hay now, so g'night. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'Tsumu.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You gasp as the page comes to an end, a hand on your mouth. He wasn't wrong when he said he wrote about you. You smile as a tear runs down your cheek as you flip to a random page this time, and you realize that it's written in his sixth year of Hogwarts. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>December 23, 20**</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I stayed back for Christmas break this year and my dorm is all empty. So is hers, because she says she didn't want to go back home at all until the summer. I feel bad for her gran, that woman must feel lonely. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You giggled at the line, grinning because you remember your grandma sending you a Howler, which yelled at you in the empty dorm-room for not coming home for the holidays. She said she missed you, and that your grandfather's health was deteriorating. She had also said that she knew why you didn't come back, and that it was okay, because she understood that you <em>couldn't</em> see another loved one go. The Howler ended on a sorrowful note, but everything eased back into its place because you remember the writer of the diary in your hands being there to comfort you when a <em>dreaded</em> letter came in after the holidays. You continued reading where you left off, wiping away the new wave of tears that had emerged from the memories.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Yesterday, me and [Y/N] went around the castle under the invisibility cloak I gave her. It was fun because I always get to see this little smile on her face that only shows up during these trips. We also went to the forbidden section of the library just because we wanted to look at a few spells that are probably illegal. I did accidentally kill a rat practicing the second unforgivable curse, and [Y/N] helped me hide all the evidence by feeding the dead rat to the Hippogriff she had found in the Forbidden Forest. I swear, if someone saw the way I did the spell and couldn't stop until [Y/N] threw Expelliarmus at me, they would throw me in the deepest pin in Azkaban and I'd probably never be able to see [Y/N] again. Anyway, I have to go back out for dinner now. G'night.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'Tsumu.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You, again, laughed at the man's childishness. You recollect distinctly how scared he was, that he had almost pissed his pants in the Courtyard that night. You had assured him that nothing would go wrong and that your lips were completely sealed, because he was your friend of course, so you had quickly formulated a plan to help him. And yet again, you flip to a new page, one from the fifth year this time. </p>
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  <p>
    <em>July 15, 20**</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em> I hate this part every year. Ever since my third year, it sickens me to come back home for summer. I can't see her because she lives in Lambeth while I'm in Westminster with my posh family. It makes me a little angry sometimes that my family is well-known in the wizarding world because this means my summers are filled with whatever my parents want me to do. The train ride back home was definitely not quiet. It was so chaotic(mostly because of the constant bickering between me and [Y/N]) and Kita-san yelled at us at the end. That was the first time I've ever seen him get angry, so he was either really fed up or we were being too dumb. Anyway, I'm gonna miss Hogwarts a lot for the next month or so, because after that I get to see her again. Honestly? Can't wait for the sixth year. I hope she grows taller, because right now, she's quite the midget. I'll write her a letter or two, but I probably won't send all of them. G'night for now. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'Tsumu.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You continue reading it all. Page by page, parchment by parchment, word by word, letter by letter until you finally get to the last page. The one he wrote on the graduation day, where he says that he wants to marry you someday. But you don't get to read it just yet, because he walks into the room with his <em>booming</em> voice and <em>boyish</em> grin.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"[Y/N]! Sorry I'm late, sweetheart! I apparated back home as fast as I could 'cause Coach saw me slack off a lil-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"So ya actually read it all, huh?" he smirks, walking up to you and crouching down next to you, "Ah, the last page, have ya read it yet?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Not the last one," you smile, "—if only I'd read these sooner, we wouldn't have gone through all that mindless drama in seventh year, right?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Eh, 'twas kinda worth it in the end," he shrugs, sitting down next to you and placing his thumb on your chin, "Love, you've been crying?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You shook your head lightly, letting out a small chuckle which to him sounded like the sweetest melody on the face on the planet, "Tears of joy, 'Tsumu. You were a cute teenager in love."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He smiles with his teeth on display, his fading blonde hair falling on his face with perfection as he whispers, "<em>Only</em> for you, darling."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I'm glad," you mutter, closing in and placing a ghost of a kiss on his lips when you realize, "Wait, shit! We have to take all of this to the House! I'm supposed to leave for Hogwarts tonight!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Kiss me first, then we'll talk."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
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  <p>"'Tsumu, you <em>really</em> didn't have to come all the way to Hogwarts to drop me off," you giggle, as the yellow-haired man intertwines his fingers with yours quietly, giggling along with you as he says, "Hey, now yer students get to see yer hot boyfriend that you've been with for the past eight years."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"My stupid boyfriend that did a <em>lot</em> of illegal things in school. You're not exactly a good influence, you know," you mumble, earning a little offended open-mouth Atsumu walking alongside you to your quarters. He continues faking the vexed expression, a hand on his heart as he says, "How could ya wound me like this, baby?" </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I love you though, so it's justified," you say, opening the door and placing your trunk by the bed. He closes the door, leaning on it with his arms crossed over his chest as you set up your things in the room. When you turned around, you saw Atsumu looking at you with the most <em>enamored</em> look in his clove-infused eyes. You sighed, your shoulders immediately relaxing when your orbs land on him by the door. You step towards him, your beige trench coat trailing behind as you wrap your arms around his very muscular figure(now that he's a part of Nottingham Jackals as a Beater). </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're going to leave, aren't you?" you mumble against his chest softly, as he chuckles out, "Yer lucky ya get to stay in Hogwarts when I'm gone. Everything's gonna remind ya of me."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Before you open your mouth to retort, your boyfriend says, "Don't worry, slug. I'll send ya letters everyday. And I'll come to meet ya twice a month. Maybe you can even let me meet yer students."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"'Tsumu, <em>no</em>-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"<em>Imagine!</em> Children and teenagers, all of 'em love me to death. They'll love yer class, even more, when you make me meet 'em!" he exclaims, his eyes filled with curiosity, "Also, also! What about the third years? I wanna be there when the boggart lesson goes on-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"'Tsumu, <em>no</em>. The school won't allow it. Although, my students do come and ask about you a lot because they like your Quidditch playing skills. They're not idiots like me, they won't fall in love with your stupid personality," you chuckle, pulling away from the hug, but still holding his arms with yours. He pouts, pulling you into a soft kiss, but immediately pulling away and winking at you, "I'm gonna see ya in a few weeks. Maybe I'll take ya on a date to Hogsmeade again, we can sneak into the Shrieking Shack again under that invisibility cloak."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"'Tsumu, I'm a teacher, not a student!" you laugh, but he simply says, "If <em>anything</em>, that gives us an excuse!"</p>
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  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
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  <p>Miya Atsumu <em>never</em> expected you to be agitatedly running around in your green-room, trying to find things for your hair and make-up. He chuckles lightly because all the other people in the room can do is shake their heads and sigh at your frantic state. Your maid-of-honor, Kiyoko, tried to calm you down about half an hour ago, but it was to no avail. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Atsumu sent Kiyoko a knowing glance, to which she and all the other bridesmaids stepped outside for just a minute. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"[Y/N]," he says, his voice low but still soothing. You stop in your tracks, turning around and gasping as you looked at him—clad in sweatpants and a white shirt—and widened your eyes. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"<em>Dummy</em>, you aren't supposed to see me just yet! Go away and wait at the altar!" you yell, walking over to him and attempting to shove him outside the room. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Emphasis on the word,<em> 'attempting'. </em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You look <em>exactly </em>like what you are right now, a slug. So listen to me, love. I need to give ya something before you start stressin' out all over again," Atsumu murmurs, placing his hands on your shoulders tenderly as he pulls out a book with a leather cover and hands it to you. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You sigh, picking it up as you sit down by the vanity. Atsumu looms behind you, crouching down to whisper next to your ears, "Love, open the last page, will ya?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, turning your head to look at him with exasperation. He places a peck to your cheek, humming indulgently as an indicator for you to continue as he instructed. You sigh again, shoulders drooping low as you turn over the book and open it, and muttering, <em>"Aparecium."</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>July 2, 20**.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I want to marry [L/N] [Y/N] someday. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Miya Atsumu. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>From the last day of the seventh year, and Atsumu continues to explain to you that during the train ride back home when all of you were sleeping, was when he wrote the last entry of his diary, and never opened it again. Because he knew, that he meant every word scribbled on every page. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You sat there, listening to the man with the messy faded blonde hair, losing yourself in his perfect brown eyes all over again. You felt as if you were diving deep into an ocean of pure chocolate, the sweetness and the slight bitterness getting the best of you as you drown—but voluntarily, because drowning was your intention. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I love you, Atsumu," you say out of nowhere, cutting him off. He stops abruptly, his eyes growing wide and his mouth forming into a pout. His lips form into the brightest smile ever, as if the rays of a thousand suns meeting at one point. His boyish grin melts your heart, as he presses his lips to your forehead and says, "I love you more, darling. Now, take a breather, will ya?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh, and before I go. Don't disappoint me today, slug. I've been waiting to do this for the past eleven years."</p>
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  <p>▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂</p>
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  <p>
    <strong>© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr/ao3. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.</strong>
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